Sunday, 24 August 2008

Why am I so crap at waiting?

So. 38 weeks, 4 days.
Why am I so crap at waiting? I'm so impatient. This is all because I had William at 37 weeks. All throughout this pregnancy I thought minicookie would be early. Once I reached that 37 wk mark this time around, I've been expecting things to happen any day.....which is silly. Most pregnant women wouldn't expect anything to happen for at least another week...........or beyond.
But I'm rubbish. And the waiting is driving me crazy. Every evening I have a whole host of uncomfortable stuff going on down there, including a lovely splitting sensstion on my pelvic floor, strong BH and shooting nerve pains down my legs. It always feels like labour is imminent.....but of course it never is. I've become obsessive about cervical mucus. Which is lovely. It reminds me strongly of the 7 months of TTC last year. I was obsessive about mucus then too.
Quite frankly, being this pregnant It's making me grouchy. I'm sick of getting up 3 or 4 times to wee every night especially.
I am so ready for this. So ready for labour, and so ready to meet my little minicookie. What if I go over my due date? I can't bear the thought. Will I be sat here in 2 wks at 40+4, in a thoroughly foul mood? Aarrrghhhhhhhhhh!
Do I have any other news? I do, but this is a moany, self-indulgent entry, so I'll have to write about that stuff anyother time. For now, there's a tub of Ben & Jerrys with my name on it.

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

38 weeks!

Just a quickie..I have stuff to do!
So I'm 38 weeks pregnant!!!! For the first time EVER!! It feels like a big deal to me. I can't wait to get her out but at the same time, I know every day in there is beneficial to her....William LOOKED premature at 37 wks, even though he was officially classed as full term! It feels like I might make my due date but I'd really rather not as that's still 2 long weeks away - around 39 weeks would be perfect. I'm so excited about the thought of going into labour....and I'm so ready for it........every time I go to the loo I'm looking for some sign that things are happening. At the same time though I'm so nervous. I just want to do it and get it over with!
I'm weeing a zillion times a night (well ok, like 3 or 4 times.....), constantly shattered and have loads of weird pains down there BUT this week everything is so much easier cos Mike has the week off work....yippeeeee! We braved Canterbury on the bus this morning.....William loved it and pointed out buses, trees, parks, bridges.....it was great! I got fitted for a nursing bra and felt really guilty because I needed a 40E (jeez!) and I've been squeezing myself into a 36DD. AND I've been wearing underwiring.....ooops. The bra I'm wearing right now feels blissfully comfortable. :-)
It was impossible to browse the shops much with Sausage in tow so we made do with wondering round the beautiful cobbled streets and visited the hotel where we got married 4 years ago (which is unrecognisable now as it's so modern).
The big news this week is....William is now sleeping in a toddler bed!!! And he loves it. I had serious apprehensions about the whole thing, not surprisingly. I wanted him to get properly used to it before minicookie was born. I had visions of him getting out multiple times a night or falling out. Or worst of all, hating it so much he refused to sleep in it! But we made a massive deal about it, telling him that cots are for babies and how this is a 'big boy bed' - anything that makes him feel like a grown up is generally a winner. And it worked! He cuddled up to his favourite blue blanket under his igglepiggle duvet and went to sleep! I was gobsmacked and absolutely thrilled! What an easy transition. Just shows that he was obviously ready for it!
Right, better get on. Midwife appointment on Friday - be interesting to see if the baby's enagaged any more (she was 3/5ths 8 days ago) - so I'll update you then..........xxx

Friday, 15 August 2008

Beyond tired

I thought I was in labour last night. I've had about 3 hours sleep. Considering how tired i was yesterday, I am a mess today.
I'd felt weird ever since 5.30pm-ish when the baby was kicking like crazy and I had loads of pressure in my bottom (WTF?!). I went to bed at 9pm cos I desperately needed a good night's sleep - I ended up in floods of tears on the phone to Beaky yesterday afternoon due to tiredness, hormones, etc.
But i couldn't get to sleep. I was having suck strong Braxton Hicks (that I never normally get when I'm lying down in bed) - I just couldn't nod off, even though I was desperate for sleep. I had such strong pressure in my bottom too. Mike was out drinking. After a while I gave up trying to sleep and went downstairs to watch a bit of TV. I knew I wasn't in labout but I thought maybe this was part of the warm up. I managed to get about an hour's sleep from 11pm-12ish before more tummy problems woke me up again, but couldn't get back to sleep after that til - wait for it - 3.30am!! I was down here watching Big Brother on my birthing ball at 2.30am!!
Today, the braxton hicks have completely calmed down. God knows what that all was last night. I'm a wreck today and as soon as William goes for his nap at 12 noon, so am I!

Thursday, 14 August 2008

37 weeks, 1 day

So, I'm officially more pregnant than I was with William.
At 37 weeks, 1 day with William, I was in the throes of labour. *shudders at the memory*
The problem is, now I've hit this milestone, I keep on expecting things to happen at any minute. Which it might not for 3 weeks yet! Or even more (surely not though...........I was 3/5ths engaged at 34 weeks!!!) I need to keep busy to get my mind off everything..........
Feel quite grumpy today though actually and a tad hormonal. I'm so, so tired - I'm sleeping so badly because I just can't get comfortable in bed with my almighty bump, pelvic pain and leg cramps. I'm missing toddler groups, music classes etc with William that I used to do in Maidenhead - definitely going to start with those as soon as I can after the new baby's born. I feel like such a boring mummy - I can't do rough and tumble or crazy games with William like I used to. We've got quite a nice routine at the moment though - we stay in in the morning and play, then after his lunchtime nap (around 12 to 1.30 or 2) we go out for a couple of hours- which I never feel like doing but it's essential for both of ours sanity. We usually go down to the seafront, or to the park, or the library, or town. Or see my mum or dad if they're off work, obviously. Today it'll be the park, but what I really feel like doing is curling up in bed with a movie/book - the park is a 15 min walk away and it huuuuuuuurts getting there and back.
Also it now looks like it's going to rain! Aaaarrrghhhhhhhh!
I had a consultation at the hospital on Tuesday which was very demoralising. I was hoping to get the go ahead for a water birth at the Canterbury birth centre, which I visited last Saturday - it's wondeful - but sadly they strongly advised a hospital birth at Margate after all the complications with William (very long labour due his back-to-back position, drip to help contractions, cut twice, ventouse, third degree tear). I was seriously peeved on Tuesday-the idea of giving birth on the labour ward is just yuck. No birth ball. No waterbirth. Inevitable lack of midwifes to help me with breastfeeding etc. My experiences at Wexham Park have really put me off labour wards in hospitals, although I realise they may not be all the same. Anyway. I think I'll just do the majority of my labout at home, and go to Margate at the last possible minute! I could just discard the advice but I doubt the birth centre would be willing to take me on with 'HOSPITAL BIRTH ADVISED' written in my notes. The only other alternative is a homebirth but I've never been keen on that idea.
Ugh ugh UGH. Had enough of being pregnant now. I'm so big, I can't do bloody anything.
In non-baby/pregnancy/birth news, we met Bruv's new American girlfriend, Erin, on Tuesday! It was so lovely to see Bruv, and Erin is absolutely lovely. Not Bruv's usual type at all but they seem to really have a connection!
The door keeps on banging and it's really pissing me off. I'm grumpy. Time for lunch I think.

Thursday, 7 August 2008

Giving birth again.....

Hey hey! As I tip-tap-type, I'm listening to Ministry of Sound Anthems, 1991-2008 - a new purchase from Amazon that arrived literally 20 mins ago - and man, I'm all nostalgic! These songs remind me of going clubbing in dodgy clubs in Rugby when I was 16/17....and my Saturday job at Bacons, a pikey shoe shop.....and partying non-stop at Manchester University!! Ahhhhh.....
Anyway! That all seems like another lifetime, as I sit here heavily pregnant! The Big B day is looming closer.....and I swing from feeling really positive about it to heavy feelings of dread and quite frankly, terror! William's birth was so long and incredibly painful, ending with me being on a drip and having an episiostimy, ventouse delivery and a third degree tear! I feel so proud of the fact that I did it all naturally, but it was beyond all shadow of a doubt the most horrendous thing I'm ever experienced. I badly want things to be be different this time. It would be all too easy to opt for an epidural, but I'm stubborn and I just don't like the idea of not being in control - and I wouldn't be if everything was numb from the waist down!
This time the experience should be shorter - or so everyone has told me anyway. I'm hoping mini-cookie won't be back to back - she isn't at the moment and I'm spending most of my day walking, sitting forward, etc to keep her in the right position. So that's 2 plus points.
This is my birth 'plan' (does anything ever go according to plan...?). When labour begins, I'm going to stay here as long as possible, rocking on my birth ball (that was the one thing that really helped during William's labour) and sitting in the bath. When it's unbearable and contractions are close together, we'll head off to wherever I'll be giving birth (hopefully the Canterbury birth centre....I'll find out if I'm a suitable candidate next Tuesday) and then I'll have gas & air. Not keen on the idea of pethidine but I'd love to have a water birth, if the pool is free!
I just need to stay calm. When those contractions begin, I need to breathe through each one and not start tensing up with fear and panic, which will just make things worse. Yes, it will be bloody painful but it won't last forever. And I CAN do it. I CAN have a good birth experience! I'm sure of it. Banish the fear..........
I want to breastfeed the conventional way - not expressing like a lunatic for 6 months again. Canterbury birth centre is very supportive and you can stay there for 2/3 nights to get breastfeeding established, if you like!
As for beyond that....well. I'm expecting life to be absolute mayhem for a few weeks whilst we get used to life with 2 children! Again, I go from feeling really positive about it to really nervous. I hope William won't be too jealous. He loves my full attention, all the time. I honestly don't know how everything will pan out.....so I'm keeping an open mind. The one thing I'm sure of is that I'm going to keep William's routine exactly the same. That won't change. And I'm going to give him oodles of love and attention so he knows he's still my gorgeous little sausage. I'm fully expecting a spell of undesirable behaviour as he gets used to sharing me with a cute little newborn, but hopefully things will settle down eventually.
Speaking of William.........it suddenly feels like lots of grown-up things are happening at once. We stopped bottles a few weeks ago - he has milk in his IgglePiggle cup before naptimes and at bedtime now. He's sleeping brilliantly - a 2 hr nap in the day, and 10-11 hours at night, usually without waking! And (sob) we've ordered a toddler bed! He can put his foot over his cot and I'm terrified he's going to topple out. Not sure when we'll do the transition - am hoping the bed will arrive before new baby does, as we can't do it straight after, obviously.
Potty training is still a while off. That's one thing I'm in no rush to do at all!
So, I'm 36+1 now. The 37 week mark is looming ever closer. Next Wednesday! Will I go beyond that mark....unlike last time?! Will my waters break with a spectacular gush.....like last time?! I can't wait to find out! I'm ready for it now.......so BRING IT ON!!!!

Monday, 4 August 2008

Nearly 36 weeks.....

Yo Yo,
It's a quiet and peaceful Monday morning in Herne Bay! William's having an early nap as he woke himself up at 5am, doing a spectacular poo - and he didn't even go to sleep til 8pm last night, the little monkey. Hoping he has a really loooooooong nap - 2 hours would be nice!
Weekend was fab - we finished 'nesting' for the baby in Mothercare; we have EVERYTHING we need now! The crib's even constructed! We took William to the park, and soft play - the stuff I can't really do with him in the week - and yesterday afternoon was Herne Bay bus rally (!!) so we all went on an open top bus tour along the seafront! William loved it!
Also on Saturday night my mum & dad babysat and Mike and I went for dinner for the first time in a YEAR! We went to this gorgeous Thai place and sat outside, munching on spring rolls, pad thai, and chatted and chatted til it was dusk! It was lovely and just what we needed before the new baby arrives.
Speaking of which..........I'm 35+5 now. The baby is three fifths engaged already - which doesn't surprise me, as my bump has dropped and I have a 'splitting' feeling when I walk. It's really uncomfortable and feels like the baby is going to fall out! Bleugh. I'm absolutely HUGE and it's hard to sleep, walk far, or do anything really - I can't bear the thought of being like this for another 4 wks! But I have no idea when I'm going to have this baby. Because I gave birth at 37 weeks last time, it would be good to go a little later than that this time - around 38 wks would be perfect!!
Oh man, William's woken....will continue this later......

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Big update!

Well! I've been away from here for AGES!! Before we moved down here to Herne Bay I never seemed to have a moment to write on here, and then after we moved we lost our internet connection for a while, but now....here I am!!! So much hass happened. Let's whizzzzzzz through.....

HOUSE
So we now live in Herne Bay! Our house is just beautiful. I love it so much. The rooms are big and there's so much space! We have our 'adult' lounge which is lovely to chill out in after William goes to bed, and William has his own little lounge (complete with TV!), playroom and patio! I feel so content here. At Powney Road in Maidenhead I felt like a caged bird - it was so small and claustrophobic....especially when I was childminding.
Our location is fab too! It's a short stroll to town, the park, soft play, the park, and best of all, the beach!! The sea is so close, it's crazy - literally 5 mins walk. I'm finding it hard and painful getting anywhere much at the moment, but when the baby's born, I'll be able to explore the area loads more!
The weather has been so lush since we moved here, so William and I have been to the beach loads! It's blissful just sitting and gazing at the sea, blue sky, fluffy clouds, boats on the horizon, Reculver Castle in the distance, while William collects stones/builds sandcastles. He loves the seaside. It's such a great, and healthy, place to bring up kids.
My mum & dad are just round the corner, so we spend most weekends with them and I also see my mum a couple of times in the week. Which is nice as I left all my mummy mates behind in Maidenhead (sob). I am going to start going to toddler groups etc but most shut down in the summer hols, so I'll probably start in September when the baby's born.
So overall, Herne Bay rocks. We're much happier here and Maidenhead seems a distant memory!

WILLIAM
Adjusted very well to the move! He has actually started SLEEPING THROUGH and no longer wakes asking for milk etc.! Is it the sea air? His new nursery? I don't know, but it's bloody brilliant! He can actually settle himself when he wakes at night now. It only took 2 long years of crap nights! He now has his bedtime milk in a cup, and although I offer him milk before his daytime nap, he doesn't really take it. I also no longer use the breathing sensor! New baby will need it.
He's waking very eary every day - usually around 5.30am - but I can't really complain since he goes down at 7pm.
He blows me away every day with what he can do and say. His speech is amazing - he can count to 14 and knows all of his letters and colours. He's talking in toddler-style sentences and knows an insane amount of words - I couldn't even try to count them. His favourite thing at the moment is jigsaws, and he can do his Peppa Pig, Teletubbies and In the Night Garden puzzles pretty much independently (all intended for kids aged 3+!!!!). I know every mum is biased but William is a real bright spark! He loves books, drawing, playdo, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and eating everything in sight - I'm really lucky not to have a fussy toddler!
On the downside, he's still very clingy and says 'mama! mama!' on loop throughout the day, repeatedly, until I want to boil my own head. Yesterday afternoon was particularly bad as I was trying to talk to my mum and he couldn't stand not being the centre of attention. He has to be in the same room as me and even comes to the loo with me every time I go! Yep, he's that clingy. With clinginess also comes temper tantrums. He goes through phases of extreme feistiness, which I'm sure must be v common in nearly-2s. But it's hard to stay patient when he's screaming because I didn't let him go down the stairs first, or a baked bean dropped on the floor. *sigh* I love him so much, but just a little more independence would be nice - especially with a new baby on the way. Speaking of which...........

PREGNANCY
I'm 34 wks pregnant today, and absolutely huge. Seriously! My pelvic pain is very bad, my back aches constantly, I have to go to the loo every 10 mins (approx.), and I have bouts of nausea and IBS throughout the day. FUN! Not to mention the mad mood swings. Anyway. My friend Deirdre had a little girl this morning, which was a real shock as she was 100% convinced it was a boy! For some reason this had made me freak out and panic that the scanner somehow got it wrong and I won't get my longed-for daughter. Silly, yes? That's hormones for you. Baby still moving loads, although less as she runs out of room. We haven't bought anything yet, and I'm getting the urge to nest, so we're going to get the crib etc this weekend. I'm hoping to have the baby a little early, maybe around 38 wks (are you listening to my request, little lady??) as I'm just so uncomfortable now.

Well, that's your lot for now. Off to library etc this afternoon and to meet my mum for coffee. Yay! xxxx