Giving birth again.....

Hey hey! As I tip-tap-type, I'm listening to Ministry of Sound Anthems, 1991-2008 - a new purchase from Amazon that arrived literally 20 mins ago - and man, I'm all nostalgic! These songs remind me of going clubbing in dodgy clubs in Rugby when I was 16/17....and my Saturday job at Bacons, a pikey shoe shop.....and partying non-stop at Manchester University!! Ahhhhh.....
Anyway! That all seems like another lifetime, as I sit here heavily pregnant! The Big B day is looming closer.....and I swing from feeling really positive about it to heavy feelings of dread and quite frankly, terror! William's birth was so long and incredibly painful, ending with me being on a drip and having an episiostimy, ventouse delivery and a third degree tear! I feel so proud of the fact that I did it all naturally, but it was beyond all shadow of a doubt the most horrendous thing I'm ever experienced. I badly want things to be be different this time. It would be all too easy to opt for an epidural, but I'm stubborn and I just don't like the idea of not being in control - and I wouldn't be if everything was numb from the waist down!
This time the experience should be shorter - or so everyone has told me anyway. I'm hoping mini-cookie won't be back to back - she isn't at the moment and I'm spending most of my day walking, sitting forward, etc to keep her in the right position. So that's 2 plus points.
This is my birth 'plan' (does anything ever go according to plan...?). When labour begins, I'm going to stay here as long as possible, rocking on my birth ball (that was the one thing that really helped during William's labour) and sitting in the bath. When it's unbearable and contractions are close together, we'll head off to wherever I'll be giving birth (hopefully the Canterbury birth centre....I'll find out if I'm a suitable candidate next Tuesday) and then I'll have gas & air. Not keen on the idea of pethidine but I'd love to have a water birth, if the pool is free!
I just need to stay calm. When those contractions begin, I need to breathe through each one and not start tensing up with fear and panic, which will just make things worse. Yes, it will be bloody painful but it won't last forever. And I CAN do it. I CAN have a good birth experience! I'm sure of it. Banish the fear..........
I want to breastfeed the conventional way - not expressing like a lunatic for 6 months again. Canterbury birth centre is very supportive and you can stay there for 2/3 nights to get breastfeeding established, if you like!
As for beyond that....well. I'm expecting life to be absolute mayhem for a few weeks whilst we get used to life with 2 children! Again, I go from feeling really positive about it to really nervous. I hope William won't be too jealous. He loves my full attention, all the time. I honestly don't know how everything will pan out.....so I'm keeping an open mind. The one thing I'm sure of is that I'm going to keep William's routine exactly the same. That won't change. And I'm going to give him oodles of love and attention so he knows he's still my gorgeous little sausage. I'm fully expecting a spell of undesirable behaviour as he gets used to sharing me with a cute little newborn, but hopefully things will settle down eventually.
Speaking of William.........it suddenly feels like lots of grown-up things are happening at once. We stopped bottles a few weeks ago - he has milk in his IgglePiggle cup before naptimes and at bedtime now. He's sleeping brilliantly - a 2 hr nap in the day, and 10-11 hours at night, usually without waking! And (sob) we've ordered a toddler bed! He can put his foot over his cot and I'm terrified he's going to topple out. Not sure when we'll do the transition - am hoping the bed will arrive before new baby does, as we can't do it straight after, obviously.
Potty training is still a while off. That's one thing I'm in no rush to do at all!
So, I'm 36+1 now. The 37 week mark is looming ever closer. Next Wednesday! Will I go beyond that mark....unlike last time?! Will my waters break with a spectacular gush.....like last time?! I can't wait to find out! I'm ready for it now.......so BRING IT ON!!!!