I feel like I've fallen into a black void and can't get out. I've never felt so low. I'm crying even as I write this.
What's gone wrong? I feel inadequate, like I'm not looking after Sophie properly. Although I know deep down I am. I feel like I'm neglecting William-even though I'm spending ages playing with him every day. I wake up with a sense of dread about the day, every day. I feel like there's nothing to look forward to - every night I fall asleep on the sofa about 9pm, before Mike and I can even think about watching some TV. I'm sick of expressing, sterilising, washing up. The house is a mess. I have no appetite and can't even be bothered to wash my hair or put on make up. So I'm a mess too.
I'm totally shutting Mike out. I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling - would anyone understand? I'm lonely and need a support network here in Herne Bay like I had in maidenhead.
I honestly don't know how I've fallen into this black void. But I need to know how to get out.
Thursday 25 September 2008
Monday 22 September 2008
Big Fat Failure.com
My oh my, what a 3 weeks it's been! Sophie is now 3 weeks old, having made her appearance in dramatic fashion on the 1st September at 4.44pm in the back of an ambulance....more about that in another entry!!!
I need to write here about her feeding problems. It's making me so sad and I'm not sure how I'm going to get over it.
I was determined to breastfeed Sophie from the start as I had big problems with William and ended up expressing for him for nearly 6 months. In the ambulance after delivery she latched on and all was great - she had another big feed in hospital and I couldn't believe it was actually working! This carried on the first few days and although it take a while every time to get her latched on due to my flat nipples, she managed it for the most part. I wasn't really enjoying it -it was soooo sore - but was really pleased to be breastfeeding the conventional way!
However, on Friday 5th everything went very wrong - I got terrible baby blues and then mastitis kicked in with a vengeance. I had chills and a fever and even missed the big brother final because I was feeling so ill & miserable!! Early on Saturday morning Sophie refused to latch on to the affected breast because it was so engorged, and we had to give her expressed milk in a bottle - which upset me at the time as I hadn't wanted to use bottles until she was a month old.
On Saturday I felt increasingly ill and the midwife sent me to the hospital to get some antibiotics. But they didn't kick in until Monday so the rest of the weekend was horrendous as it spread to both breasts. Sophie then refused to latch onto either side so it was expressed milk in a botte again - it all felt very familiar.
In a nutshell - I began to feel better that following week but Sophie still wouldn't latch so I hired my hospital grade pump and began expressing every 3 hours, like I did with William. But it wasn't quite enough for her every feed so we had to introduce some formula at night - which again made me feel like a big fat failure, I'd wanted to avoid formula until 6 months.
However. Disaster struck yet again later that week when the mastitis came back. I spent another weekend feeling hideous with fever, chills, the whole shebang, and my milk supply began to completely dwindle. I can't remember the last time I felt that ill.
Eventually I couldn't get any milk out of my right side at all - with pump or hand. I still can't. I can express about an ounce and a half from the other side-but that's nothing compared to what I used to get when I expressed for William. I've been desperately trying to get my milk supply up but nothing's working. It took until Thursday to feel better - so that's 12 days of horrible illness.
So Sophie, my beautiful baby daughter, is being mostly formula fed, with a bit of breastmilk on the side. I still feel devastated about this. It's not what I planned at all. I'm not anti formula but I know breastmilk is best. I feel like I've totally failed her by not being able to give her what she deserves. I know it's not my fault - the horrible mastitis ruined everything. But it's going to take me some time to come to terms with this. I feel horribly jealous of people who can breastfeed easily. Why the fuck did I have such problems, both times? Why the fuck did I have to get such severe mastitis?? It's so unfair.
I know Sophie will be fine on formula. She's an unbelievable content baby (touch wood). But it's formula - it's artificial. Breastmilk is so natural. William, at least, guzzled 6 months of breastmilk - albeit from a bottle.
So that's why I'm sad. I've cried so much over this. No point crying now as what's done is done. But like I said, it will be a while before I come to terms with this.
I need to write here about her feeding problems. It's making me so sad and I'm not sure how I'm going to get over it.
I was determined to breastfeed Sophie from the start as I had big problems with William and ended up expressing for him for nearly 6 months. In the ambulance after delivery she latched on and all was great - she had another big feed in hospital and I couldn't believe it was actually working! This carried on the first few days and although it take a while every time to get her latched on due to my flat nipples, she managed it for the most part. I wasn't really enjoying it -it was soooo sore - but was really pleased to be breastfeeding the conventional way!
However, on Friday 5th everything went very wrong - I got terrible baby blues and then mastitis kicked in with a vengeance. I had chills and a fever and even missed the big brother final because I was feeling so ill & miserable!! Early on Saturday morning Sophie refused to latch on to the affected breast because it was so engorged, and we had to give her expressed milk in a bottle - which upset me at the time as I hadn't wanted to use bottles until she was a month old.
On Saturday I felt increasingly ill and the midwife sent me to the hospital to get some antibiotics. But they didn't kick in until Monday so the rest of the weekend was horrendous as it spread to both breasts. Sophie then refused to latch onto either side so it was expressed milk in a botte again - it all felt very familiar.
In a nutshell - I began to feel better that following week but Sophie still wouldn't latch so I hired my hospital grade pump and began expressing every 3 hours, like I did with William. But it wasn't quite enough for her every feed so we had to introduce some formula at night - which again made me feel like a big fat failure, I'd wanted to avoid formula until 6 months.
However. Disaster struck yet again later that week when the mastitis came back. I spent another weekend feeling hideous with fever, chills, the whole shebang, and my milk supply began to completely dwindle. I can't remember the last time I felt that ill.
Eventually I couldn't get any milk out of my right side at all - with pump or hand. I still can't. I can express about an ounce and a half from the other side-but that's nothing compared to what I used to get when I expressed for William. I've been desperately trying to get my milk supply up but nothing's working. It took until Thursday to feel better - so that's 12 days of horrible illness.
So Sophie, my beautiful baby daughter, is being mostly formula fed, with a bit of breastmilk on the side. I still feel devastated about this. It's not what I planned at all. I'm not anti formula but I know breastmilk is best. I feel like I've totally failed her by not being able to give her what she deserves. I know it's not my fault - the horrible mastitis ruined everything. But it's going to take me some time to come to terms with this. I feel horribly jealous of people who can breastfeed easily. Why the fuck did I have such problems, both times? Why the fuck did I have to get such severe mastitis?? It's so unfair.
I know Sophie will be fine on formula. She's an unbelievable content baby (touch wood). But it's formula - it's artificial. Breastmilk is so natural. William, at least, guzzled 6 months of breastmilk - albeit from a bottle.
So that's why I'm sad. I've cried so much over this. No point crying now as what's done is done. But like I said, it will be a while before I come to terms with this.
Wednesday 27 August 2008
Happy 39 weeks, fat face
39 weeks! I can't believe I've made it this far. I feel really content about everything today. Like - it's going to happen soon, so there's no point getting impatient. My only morbid fear is going waaaaaay over my due date and having to be induced. Having to remain in bed through the pain of contractions without moving around, rocking on my birthing ball etc. would be my idea of hell.
There's no signs anything's going to happen yet. Last night the baby was kicking me so hard and wriggling so frantically I thought something might be happening, but no cigar. I had a crap night's sleep though and really should be napping now to catch up. I have the odd cramp here and there, and frequent BHs, but.....that's it. I now have faint stretchmarks appearing under my belly button - escaped getting any with William, so I'm not too chuffed about that.
My face is massive. I appear to have stored fat for breastfeeding in two main places: my thighs, which are absolutely GINORMOUS and my face. I look like I'm storing nuts in my cheeks for winter, like a squirrel. Seriously!
My lovely husband went back to work today after a fantastic week and a half off! We did lots of lovely family things last week. It was so much fun to sit around in the morning, drinking tea, eating shortbread and watching the olympics whilst playing with William. It was William's 2nd birthday yesterday, which was fab except for a minor blip when he appeared to be scared of the mickey mouse cuddly toy we got him - we got him loads of mickey mouse clubhouse stuff, as he's totally obsessed with that show! Anyway we managed to convince him that Mickey was not scary and now he won't be parted from it!!
So for now I'm chipper. Baby has to come out sometime, right? I may not be so chipper if I'm still sat here in a week's time, sans baby. Everyone send labour vibes.....
There's no signs anything's going to happen yet. Last night the baby was kicking me so hard and wriggling so frantically I thought something might be happening, but no cigar. I had a crap night's sleep though and really should be napping now to catch up. I have the odd cramp here and there, and frequent BHs, but.....that's it. I now have faint stretchmarks appearing under my belly button - escaped getting any with William, so I'm not too chuffed about that.
My face is massive. I appear to have stored fat for breastfeeding in two main places: my thighs, which are absolutely GINORMOUS and my face. I look like I'm storing nuts in my cheeks for winter, like a squirrel. Seriously!
My lovely husband went back to work today after a fantastic week and a half off! We did lots of lovely family things last week. It was so much fun to sit around in the morning, drinking tea, eating shortbread and watching the olympics whilst playing with William. It was William's 2nd birthday yesterday, which was fab except for a minor blip when he appeared to be scared of the mickey mouse cuddly toy we got him - we got him loads of mickey mouse clubhouse stuff, as he's totally obsessed with that show! Anyway we managed to convince him that Mickey was not scary and now he won't be parted from it!!
So for now I'm chipper. Baby has to come out sometime, right? I may not be so chipper if I'm still sat here in a week's time, sans baby. Everyone send labour vibes.....
Sunday 24 August 2008
Why am I so crap at waiting?
So. 38 weeks, 4 days.
Why am I so crap at waiting? I'm so impatient. This is all because I had William at 37 weeks. All throughout this pregnancy I thought minicookie would be early. Once I reached that 37 wk mark this time around, I've been expecting things to happen any day.....which is silly. Most pregnant women wouldn't expect anything to happen for at least another week...........or beyond.
But I'm rubbish. And the waiting is driving me crazy. Every evening I have a whole host of uncomfortable stuff going on down there, including a lovely splitting sensstion on my pelvic floor, strong BH and shooting nerve pains down my legs. It always feels like labour is imminent.....but of course it never is. I've become obsessive about cervical mucus. Which is lovely. It reminds me strongly of the 7 months of TTC last year. I was obsessive about mucus then too.
Quite frankly, being this pregnant It's making me grouchy. I'm sick of getting up 3 or 4 times to wee every night especially.
I am so ready for this. So ready for labour, and so ready to meet my little minicookie. What if I go over my due date? I can't bear the thought. Will I be sat here in 2 wks at 40+4, in a thoroughly foul mood? Aarrrghhhhhhhhhh!
Do I have any other news? I do, but this is a moany, self-indulgent entry, so I'll have to write about that stuff anyother time. For now, there's a tub of Ben & Jerrys with my name on it.
Why am I so crap at waiting? I'm so impatient. This is all because I had William at 37 weeks. All throughout this pregnancy I thought minicookie would be early. Once I reached that 37 wk mark this time around, I've been expecting things to happen any day.....which is silly. Most pregnant women wouldn't expect anything to happen for at least another week...........or beyond.
But I'm rubbish. And the waiting is driving me crazy. Every evening I have a whole host of uncomfortable stuff going on down there, including a lovely splitting sensstion on my pelvic floor, strong BH and shooting nerve pains down my legs. It always feels like labour is imminent.....but of course it never is. I've become obsessive about cervical mucus. Which is lovely. It reminds me strongly of the 7 months of TTC last year. I was obsessive about mucus then too.
Quite frankly, being this pregnant It's making me grouchy. I'm sick of getting up 3 or 4 times to wee every night especially.
I am so ready for this. So ready for labour, and so ready to meet my little minicookie. What if I go over my due date? I can't bear the thought. Will I be sat here in 2 wks at 40+4, in a thoroughly foul mood? Aarrrghhhhhhhhhh!
Do I have any other news? I do, but this is a moany, self-indulgent entry, so I'll have to write about that stuff anyother time. For now, there's a tub of Ben & Jerrys with my name on it.
Wednesday 20 August 2008
38 weeks!
Just a quickie..I have stuff to do!
So I'm 38 weeks pregnant!!!! For the first time EVER!! It feels like a big deal to me. I can't wait to get her out but at the same time, I know every day in there is beneficial to her....William LOOKED premature at 37 wks, even though he was officially classed as full term! It feels like I might make my due date but I'd really rather not as that's still 2 long weeks away - around 39 weeks would be perfect. I'm so excited about the thought of going into labour....and I'm so ready for it........every time I go to the loo I'm looking for some sign that things are happening. At the same time though I'm so nervous. I just want to do it and get it over with!
I'm weeing a zillion times a night (well ok, like 3 or 4 times.....), constantly shattered and have loads of weird pains down there BUT this week everything is so much easier cos Mike has the week off work....yippeeeee! We braved Canterbury on the bus this morning.....William loved it and pointed out buses, trees, parks, bridges.....it was great! I got fitted for a nursing bra and felt really guilty because I needed a 40E (jeez!) and I've been squeezing myself into a 36DD. AND I've been wearing underwiring.....ooops. The bra I'm wearing right now feels blissfully comfortable. :-)
It was impossible to browse the shops much with Sausage in tow so we made do with wondering round the beautiful cobbled streets and visited the hotel where we got married 4 years ago (which is unrecognisable now as it's so modern).
The big news this week is....William is now sleeping in a toddler bed!!! And he loves it. I had serious apprehensions about the whole thing, not surprisingly. I wanted him to get properly used to it before minicookie was born. I had visions of him getting out multiple times a night or falling out. Or worst of all, hating it so much he refused to sleep in it! But we made a massive deal about it, telling him that cots are for babies and how this is a 'big boy bed' - anything that makes him feel like a grown up is generally a winner. And it worked! He cuddled up to his favourite blue blanket under his igglepiggle duvet and went to sleep! I was gobsmacked and absolutely thrilled! What an easy transition. Just shows that he was obviously ready for it!
Right, better get on. Midwife appointment on Friday - be interesting to see if the baby's enagaged any more (she was 3/5ths 8 days ago) - so I'll update you then..........xxx
So I'm 38 weeks pregnant!!!! For the first time EVER!! It feels like a big deal to me. I can't wait to get her out but at the same time, I know every day in there is beneficial to her....William LOOKED premature at 37 wks, even though he was officially classed as full term! It feels like I might make my due date but I'd really rather not as that's still 2 long weeks away - around 39 weeks would be perfect. I'm so excited about the thought of going into labour....and I'm so ready for it........every time I go to the loo I'm looking for some sign that things are happening. At the same time though I'm so nervous. I just want to do it and get it over with!
I'm weeing a zillion times a night (well ok, like 3 or 4 times.....), constantly shattered and have loads of weird pains down there BUT this week everything is so much easier cos Mike has the week off work....yippeeeee! We braved Canterbury on the bus this morning.....William loved it and pointed out buses, trees, parks, bridges.....it was great! I got fitted for a nursing bra and felt really guilty because I needed a 40E (jeez!) and I've been squeezing myself into a 36DD. AND I've been wearing underwiring.....ooops. The bra I'm wearing right now feels blissfully comfortable. :-)
It was impossible to browse the shops much with Sausage in tow so we made do with wondering round the beautiful cobbled streets and visited the hotel where we got married 4 years ago (which is unrecognisable now as it's so modern).
The big news this week is....William is now sleeping in a toddler bed!!! And he loves it. I had serious apprehensions about the whole thing, not surprisingly. I wanted him to get properly used to it before minicookie was born. I had visions of him getting out multiple times a night or falling out. Or worst of all, hating it so much he refused to sleep in it! But we made a massive deal about it, telling him that cots are for babies and how this is a 'big boy bed' - anything that makes him feel like a grown up is generally a winner. And it worked! He cuddled up to his favourite blue blanket under his igglepiggle duvet and went to sleep! I was gobsmacked and absolutely thrilled! What an easy transition. Just shows that he was obviously ready for it!
Right, better get on. Midwife appointment on Friday - be interesting to see if the baby's enagaged any more (she was 3/5ths 8 days ago) - so I'll update you then..........xxx
Friday 15 August 2008
Beyond tired
I thought I was in labour last night. I've had about 3 hours sleep. Considering how tired i was yesterday, I am a mess today.
I'd felt weird ever since 5.30pm-ish when the baby was kicking like crazy and I had loads of pressure in my bottom (WTF?!). I went to bed at 9pm cos I desperately needed a good night's sleep - I ended up in floods of tears on the phone to Beaky yesterday afternoon due to tiredness, hormones, etc.
But i couldn't get to sleep. I was having suck strong Braxton Hicks (that I never normally get when I'm lying down in bed) - I just couldn't nod off, even though I was desperate for sleep. I had such strong pressure in my bottom too. Mike was out drinking. After a while I gave up trying to sleep and went downstairs to watch a bit of TV. I knew I wasn't in labout but I thought maybe this was part of the warm up. I managed to get about an hour's sleep from 11pm-12ish before more tummy problems woke me up again, but couldn't get back to sleep after that til - wait for it - 3.30am!! I was down here watching Big Brother on my birthing ball at 2.30am!!
Today, the braxton hicks have completely calmed down. God knows what that all was last night. I'm a wreck today and as soon as William goes for his nap at 12 noon, so am I!
I'd felt weird ever since 5.30pm-ish when the baby was kicking like crazy and I had loads of pressure in my bottom (WTF?!). I went to bed at 9pm cos I desperately needed a good night's sleep - I ended up in floods of tears on the phone to Beaky yesterday afternoon due to tiredness, hormones, etc.
But i couldn't get to sleep. I was having suck strong Braxton Hicks (that I never normally get when I'm lying down in bed) - I just couldn't nod off, even though I was desperate for sleep. I had such strong pressure in my bottom too. Mike was out drinking. After a while I gave up trying to sleep and went downstairs to watch a bit of TV. I knew I wasn't in labout but I thought maybe this was part of the warm up. I managed to get about an hour's sleep from 11pm-12ish before more tummy problems woke me up again, but couldn't get back to sleep after that til - wait for it - 3.30am!! I was down here watching Big Brother on my birthing ball at 2.30am!!
Today, the braxton hicks have completely calmed down. God knows what that all was last night. I'm a wreck today and as soon as William goes for his nap at 12 noon, so am I!
Thursday 14 August 2008
37 weeks, 1 day
So, I'm officially more pregnant than I was with William.
At 37 weeks, 1 day with William, I was in the throes of labour. *shudders at the memory*
The problem is, now I've hit this milestone, I keep on expecting things to happen at any minute. Which it might not for 3 weeks yet! Or even more (surely not though...........I was 3/5ths engaged at 34 weeks!!!) I need to keep busy to get my mind off everything..........
Feel quite grumpy today though actually and a tad hormonal. I'm so, so tired - I'm sleeping so badly because I just can't get comfortable in bed with my almighty bump, pelvic pain and leg cramps. I'm missing toddler groups, music classes etc with William that I used to do in Maidenhead - definitely going to start with those as soon as I can after the new baby's born. I feel like such a boring mummy - I can't do rough and tumble or crazy games with William like I used to. We've got quite a nice routine at the moment though - we stay in in the morning and play, then after his lunchtime nap (around 12 to 1.30 or 2) we go out for a couple of hours- which I never feel like doing but it's essential for both of ours sanity. We usually go down to the seafront, or to the park, or the library, or town. Or see my mum or dad if they're off work, obviously. Today it'll be the park, but what I really feel like doing is curling up in bed with a movie/book - the park is a 15 min walk away and it huuuuuuuurts getting there and back.
Also it now looks like it's going to rain! Aaaarrrghhhhhhhh!
I had a consultation at the hospital on Tuesday which was very demoralising. I was hoping to get the go ahead for a water birth at the Canterbury birth centre, which I visited last Saturday - it's wondeful - but sadly they strongly advised a hospital birth at Margate after all the complications with William (very long labour due his back-to-back position, drip to help contractions, cut twice, ventouse, third degree tear). I was seriously peeved on Tuesday-the idea of giving birth on the labour ward is just yuck. No birth ball. No waterbirth. Inevitable lack of midwifes to help me with breastfeeding etc. My experiences at Wexham Park have really put me off labour wards in hospitals, although I realise they may not be all the same. Anyway. I think I'll just do the majority of my labout at home, and go to Margate at the last possible minute! I could just discard the advice but I doubt the birth centre would be willing to take me on with 'HOSPITAL BIRTH ADVISED' written in my notes. The only other alternative is a homebirth but I've never been keen on that idea.
Ugh ugh UGH. Had enough of being pregnant now. I'm so big, I can't do bloody anything.
In non-baby/pregnancy/birth news, we met Bruv's new American girlfriend, Erin, on Tuesday! It was so lovely to see Bruv, and Erin is absolutely lovely. Not Bruv's usual type at all but they seem to really have a connection!
The door keeps on banging and it's really pissing me off. I'm grumpy. Time for lunch I think.
At 37 weeks, 1 day with William, I was in the throes of labour. *shudders at the memory*
The problem is, now I've hit this milestone, I keep on expecting things to happen at any minute. Which it might not for 3 weeks yet! Or even more (surely not though...........I was 3/5ths engaged at 34 weeks!!!) I need to keep busy to get my mind off everything..........
Feel quite grumpy today though actually and a tad hormonal. I'm so, so tired - I'm sleeping so badly because I just can't get comfortable in bed with my almighty bump, pelvic pain and leg cramps. I'm missing toddler groups, music classes etc with William that I used to do in Maidenhead - definitely going to start with those as soon as I can after the new baby's born. I feel like such a boring mummy - I can't do rough and tumble or crazy games with William like I used to. We've got quite a nice routine at the moment though - we stay in in the morning and play, then after his lunchtime nap (around 12 to 1.30 or 2) we go out for a couple of hours- which I never feel like doing but it's essential for both of ours sanity. We usually go down to the seafront, or to the park, or the library, or town. Or see my mum or dad if they're off work, obviously. Today it'll be the park, but what I really feel like doing is curling up in bed with a movie/book - the park is a 15 min walk away and it huuuuuuuurts getting there and back.
Also it now looks like it's going to rain! Aaaarrrghhhhhhhh!
I had a consultation at the hospital on Tuesday which was very demoralising. I was hoping to get the go ahead for a water birth at the Canterbury birth centre, which I visited last Saturday - it's wondeful - but sadly they strongly advised a hospital birth at Margate after all the complications with William (very long labour due his back-to-back position, drip to help contractions, cut twice, ventouse, third degree tear). I was seriously peeved on Tuesday-the idea of giving birth on the labour ward is just yuck. No birth ball. No waterbirth. Inevitable lack of midwifes to help me with breastfeeding etc. My experiences at Wexham Park have really put me off labour wards in hospitals, although I realise they may not be all the same. Anyway. I think I'll just do the majority of my labout at home, and go to Margate at the last possible minute! I could just discard the advice but I doubt the birth centre would be willing to take me on with 'HOSPITAL BIRTH ADVISED' written in my notes. The only other alternative is a homebirth but I've never been keen on that idea.
Ugh ugh UGH. Had enough of being pregnant now. I'm so big, I can't do bloody anything.
In non-baby/pregnancy/birth news, we met Bruv's new American girlfriend, Erin, on Tuesday! It was so lovely to see Bruv, and Erin is absolutely lovely. Not Bruv's usual type at all but they seem to really have a connection!
The door keeps on banging and it's really pissing me off. I'm grumpy. Time for lunch I think.
Thursday 7 August 2008
Giving birth again.....
Hey hey! As I tip-tap-type, I'm listening to Ministry of Sound Anthems, 1991-2008 - a new purchase from Amazon that arrived literally 20 mins ago - and man, I'm all nostalgic! These songs remind me of going clubbing in dodgy clubs in Rugby when I was 16/17....and my Saturday job at Bacons, a pikey shoe shop.....and partying non-stop at Manchester University!! Ahhhhh.....
Anyway! That all seems like another lifetime, as I sit here heavily pregnant! The Big B day is looming closer.....and I swing from feeling really positive about it to heavy feelings of dread and quite frankly, terror! William's birth was so long and incredibly painful, ending with me being on a drip and having an episiostimy, ventouse delivery and a third degree tear! I feel so proud of the fact that I did it all naturally, but it was beyond all shadow of a doubt the most horrendous thing I'm ever experienced. I badly want things to be be different this time. It would be all too easy to opt for an epidural, but I'm stubborn and I just don't like the idea of not being in control - and I wouldn't be if everything was numb from the waist down!
This time the experience should be shorter - or so everyone has told me anyway. I'm hoping mini-cookie won't be back to back - she isn't at the moment and I'm spending most of my day walking, sitting forward, etc to keep her in the right position. So that's 2 plus points.
This is my birth 'plan' (does anything ever go according to plan...?). When labour begins, I'm going to stay here as long as possible, rocking on my birth ball (that was the one thing that really helped during William's labour) and sitting in the bath. When it's unbearable and contractions are close together, we'll head off to wherever I'll be giving birth (hopefully the Canterbury birth centre....I'll find out if I'm a suitable candidate next Tuesday) and then I'll have gas & air. Not keen on the idea of pethidine but I'd love to have a water birth, if the pool is free!
I just need to stay calm. When those contractions begin, I need to breathe through each one and not start tensing up with fear and panic, which will just make things worse. Yes, it will be bloody painful but it won't last forever. And I CAN do it. I CAN have a good birth experience! I'm sure of it. Banish the fear..........
I want to breastfeed the conventional way - not expressing like a lunatic for 6 months again. Canterbury birth centre is very supportive and you can stay there for 2/3 nights to get breastfeeding established, if you like!
As for beyond that....well. I'm expecting life to be absolute mayhem for a few weeks whilst we get used to life with 2 children! Again, I go from feeling really positive about it to really nervous. I hope William won't be too jealous. He loves my full attention, all the time. I honestly don't know how everything will pan out.....so I'm keeping an open mind. The one thing I'm sure of is that I'm going to keep William's routine exactly the same. That won't change. And I'm going to give him oodles of love and attention so he knows he's still my gorgeous little sausage. I'm fully expecting a spell of undesirable behaviour as he gets used to sharing me with a cute little newborn, but hopefully things will settle down eventually.
Speaking of William.........it suddenly feels like lots of grown-up things are happening at once. We stopped bottles a few weeks ago - he has milk in his IgglePiggle cup before naptimes and at bedtime now. He's sleeping brilliantly - a 2 hr nap in the day, and 10-11 hours at night, usually without waking! And (sob) we've ordered a toddler bed! He can put his foot over his cot and I'm terrified he's going to topple out. Not sure when we'll do the transition - am hoping the bed will arrive before new baby does, as we can't do it straight after, obviously.
Potty training is still a while off. That's one thing I'm in no rush to do at all!
So, I'm 36+1 now. The 37 week mark is looming ever closer. Next Wednesday! Will I go beyond that mark....unlike last time?! Will my waters break with a spectacular gush.....like last time?! I can't wait to find out! I'm ready for it now.......so BRING IT ON!!!!
Anyway! That all seems like another lifetime, as I sit here heavily pregnant! The Big B day is looming closer.....and I swing from feeling really positive about it to heavy feelings of dread and quite frankly, terror! William's birth was so long and incredibly painful, ending with me being on a drip and having an episiostimy, ventouse delivery and a third degree tear! I feel so proud of the fact that I did it all naturally, but it was beyond all shadow of a doubt the most horrendous thing I'm ever experienced. I badly want things to be be different this time. It would be all too easy to opt for an epidural, but I'm stubborn and I just don't like the idea of not being in control - and I wouldn't be if everything was numb from the waist down!
This time the experience should be shorter - or so everyone has told me anyway. I'm hoping mini-cookie won't be back to back - she isn't at the moment and I'm spending most of my day walking, sitting forward, etc to keep her in the right position. So that's 2 plus points.
This is my birth 'plan' (does anything ever go according to plan...?). When labour begins, I'm going to stay here as long as possible, rocking on my birth ball (that was the one thing that really helped during William's labour) and sitting in the bath. When it's unbearable and contractions are close together, we'll head off to wherever I'll be giving birth (hopefully the Canterbury birth centre....I'll find out if I'm a suitable candidate next Tuesday) and then I'll have gas & air. Not keen on the idea of pethidine but I'd love to have a water birth, if the pool is free!
I just need to stay calm. When those contractions begin, I need to breathe through each one and not start tensing up with fear and panic, which will just make things worse. Yes, it will be bloody painful but it won't last forever. And I CAN do it. I CAN have a good birth experience! I'm sure of it. Banish the fear..........
I want to breastfeed the conventional way - not expressing like a lunatic for 6 months again. Canterbury birth centre is very supportive and you can stay there for 2/3 nights to get breastfeeding established, if you like!
As for beyond that....well. I'm expecting life to be absolute mayhem for a few weeks whilst we get used to life with 2 children! Again, I go from feeling really positive about it to really nervous. I hope William won't be too jealous. He loves my full attention, all the time. I honestly don't know how everything will pan out.....so I'm keeping an open mind. The one thing I'm sure of is that I'm going to keep William's routine exactly the same. That won't change. And I'm going to give him oodles of love and attention so he knows he's still my gorgeous little sausage. I'm fully expecting a spell of undesirable behaviour as he gets used to sharing me with a cute little newborn, but hopefully things will settle down eventually.
Speaking of William.........it suddenly feels like lots of grown-up things are happening at once. We stopped bottles a few weeks ago - he has milk in his IgglePiggle cup before naptimes and at bedtime now. He's sleeping brilliantly - a 2 hr nap in the day, and 10-11 hours at night, usually without waking! And (sob) we've ordered a toddler bed! He can put his foot over his cot and I'm terrified he's going to topple out. Not sure when we'll do the transition - am hoping the bed will arrive before new baby does, as we can't do it straight after, obviously.
Potty training is still a while off. That's one thing I'm in no rush to do at all!
So, I'm 36+1 now. The 37 week mark is looming ever closer. Next Wednesday! Will I go beyond that mark....unlike last time?! Will my waters break with a spectacular gush.....like last time?! I can't wait to find out! I'm ready for it now.......so BRING IT ON!!!!
Monday 4 August 2008
Nearly 36 weeks.....
Yo Yo,
It's a quiet and peaceful Monday morning in Herne Bay! William's having an early nap as he woke himself up at 5am, doing a spectacular poo - and he didn't even go to sleep til 8pm last night, the little monkey. Hoping he has a really loooooooong nap - 2 hours would be nice!
Weekend was fab - we finished 'nesting' for the baby in Mothercare; we have EVERYTHING we need now! The crib's even constructed! We took William to the park, and soft play - the stuff I can't really do with him in the week - and yesterday afternoon was Herne Bay bus rally (!!) so we all went on an open top bus tour along the seafront! William loved it!
Also on Saturday night my mum & dad babysat and Mike and I went for dinner for the first time in a YEAR! We went to this gorgeous Thai place and sat outside, munching on spring rolls, pad thai, and chatted and chatted til it was dusk! It was lovely and just what we needed before the new baby arrives.
Speaking of which..........I'm 35+5 now. The baby is three fifths engaged already - which doesn't surprise me, as my bump has dropped and I have a 'splitting' feeling when I walk. It's really uncomfortable and feels like the baby is going to fall out! Bleugh. I'm absolutely HUGE and it's hard to sleep, walk far, or do anything really - I can't bear the thought of being like this for another 4 wks! But I have no idea when I'm going to have this baby. Because I gave birth at 37 weeks last time, it would be good to go a little later than that this time - around 38 wks would be perfect!!
Oh man, William's woken....will continue this later......
It's a quiet and peaceful Monday morning in Herne Bay! William's having an early nap as he woke himself up at 5am, doing a spectacular poo - and he didn't even go to sleep til 8pm last night, the little monkey. Hoping he has a really loooooooong nap - 2 hours would be nice!
Weekend was fab - we finished 'nesting' for the baby in Mothercare; we have EVERYTHING we need now! The crib's even constructed! We took William to the park, and soft play - the stuff I can't really do with him in the week - and yesterday afternoon was Herne Bay bus rally (!!) so we all went on an open top bus tour along the seafront! William loved it!
Also on Saturday night my mum & dad babysat and Mike and I went for dinner for the first time in a YEAR! We went to this gorgeous Thai place and sat outside, munching on spring rolls, pad thai, and chatted and chatted til it was dusk! It was lovely and just what we needed before the new baby arrives.
Speaking of which..........I'm 35+5 now. The baby is three fifths engaged already - which doesn't surprise me, as my bump has dropped and I have a 'splitting' feeling when I walk. It's really uncomfortable and feels like the baby is going to fall out! Bleugh. I'm absolutely HUGE and it's hard to sleep, walk far, or do anything really - I can't bear the thought of being like this for another 4 wks! But I have no idea when I'm going to have this baby. Because I gave birth at 37 weeks last time, it would be good to go a little later than that this time - around 38 wks would be perfect!!
Oh man, William's woken....will continue this later......
Wednesday 23 July 2008
Big update!
Well! I've been away from here for AGES!! Before we moved down here to Herne Bay I never seemed to have a moment to write on here, and then after we moved we lost our internet connection for a while, but now....here I am!!! So much hass happened. Let's whizzzzzzz through.....
HOUSE
So we now live in Herne Bay! Our house is just beautiful. I love it so much. The rooms are big and there's so much space! We have our 'adult' lounge which is lovely to chill out in after William goes to bed, and William has his own little lounge (complete with TV!), playroom and patio! I feel so content here. At Powney Road in Maidenhead I felt like a caged bird - it was so small and claustrophobic....especially when I was childminding.
Our location is fab too! It's a short stroll to town, the park, soft play, the park, and best of all, the beach!! The sea is so close, it's crazy - literally 5 mins walk. I'm finding it hard and painful getting anywhere much at the moment, but when the baby's born, I'll be able to explore the area loads more!
The weather has been so lush since we moved here, so William and I have been to the beach loads! It's blissful just sitting and gazing at the sea, blue sky, fluffy clouds, boats on the horizon, Reculver Castle in the distance, while William collects stones/builds sandcastles. He loves the seaside. It's such a great, and healthy, place to bring up kids.
My mum & dad are just round the corner, so we spend most weekends with them and I also see my mum a couple of times in the week. Which is nice as I left all my mummy mates behind in Maidenhead (sob). I am going to start going to toddler groups etc but most shut down in the summer hols, so I'll probably start in September when the baby's born.
So overall, Herne Bay rocks. We're much happier here and Maidenhead seems a distant memory!
WILLIAM
Adjusted very well to the move! He has actually started SLEEPING THROUGH and no longer wakes asking for milk etc.! Is it the sea air? His new nursery? I don't know, but it's bloody brilliant! He can actually settle himself when he wakes at night now. It only took 2 long years of crap nights! He now has his bedtime milk in a cup, and although I offer him milk before his daytime nap, he doesn't really take it. I also no longer use the breathing sensor! New baby will need it.
He's waking very eary every day - usually around 5.30am - but I can't really complain since he goes down at 7pm.
He blows me away every day with what he can do and say. His speech is amazing - he can count to 14 and knows all of his letters and colours. He's talking in toddler-style sentences and knows an insane amount of words - I couldn't even try to count them. His favourite thing at the moment is jigsaws, and he can do his Peppa Pig, Teletubbies and In the Night Garden puzzles pretty much independently (all intended for kids aged 3+!!!!). I know every mum is biased but William is a real bright spark! He loves books, drawing, playdo, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and eating everything in sight - I'm really lucky not to have a fussy toddler!
On the downside, he's still very clingy and says 'mama! mama!' on loop throughout the day, repeatedly, until I want to boil my own head. Yesterday afternoon was particularly bad as I was trying to talk to my mum and he couldn't stand not being the centre of attention. He has to be in the same room as me and even comes to the loo with me every time I go! Yep, he's that clingy. With clinginess also comes temper tantrums. He goes through phases of extreme feistiness, which I'm sure must be v common in nearly-2s. But it's hard to stay patient when he's screaming because I didn't let him go down the stairs first, or a baked bean dropped on the floor. *sigh* I love him so much, but just a little more independence would be nice - especially with a new baby on the way. Speaking of which...........
PREGNANCY
I'm 34 wks pregnant today, and absolutely huge. Seriously! My pelvic pain is very bad, my back aches constantly, I have to go to the loo every 10 mins (approx.), and I have bouts of nausea and IBS throughout the day. FUN! Not to mention the mad mood swings. Anyway. My friend Deirdre had a little girl this morning, which was a real shock as she was 100% convinced it was a boy! For some reason this had made me freak out and panic that the scanner somehow got it wrong and I won't get my longed-for daughter. Silly, yes? That's hormones for you. Baby still moving loads, although less as she runs out of room. We haven't bought anything yet, and I'm getting the urge to nest, so we're going to get the crib etc this weekend. I'm hoping to have the baby a little early, maybe around 38 wks (are you listening to my request, little lady??) as I'm just so uncomfortable now.
Well, that's your lot for now. Off to library etc this afternoon and to meet my mum for coffee. Yay! xxxx
HOUSE
So we now live in Herne Bay! Our house is just beautiful. I love it so much. The rooms are big and there's so much space! We have our 'adult' lounge which is lovely to chill out in after William goes to bed, and William has his own little lounge (complete with TV!), playroom and patio! I feel so content here. At Powney Road in Maidenhead I felt like a caged bird - it was so small and claustrophobic....especially when I was childminding.
Our location is fab too! It's a short stroll to town, the park, soft play, the park, and best of all, the beach!! The sea is so close, it's crazy - literally 5 mins walk. I'm finding it hard and painful getting anywhere much at the moment, but when the baby's born, I'll be able to explore the area loads more!
The weather has been so lush since we moved here, so William and I have been to the beach loads! It's blissful just sitting and gazing at the sea, blue sky, fluffy clouds, boats on the horizon, Reculver Castle in the distance, while William collects stones/builds sandcastles. He loves the seaside. It's such a great, and healthy, place to bring up kids.
My mum & dad are just round the corner, so we spend most weekends with them and I also see my mum a couple of times in the week. Which is nice as I left all my mummy mates behind in Maidenhead (sob). I am going to start going to toddler groups etc but most shut down in the summer hols, so I'll probably start in September when the baby's born.
So overall, Herne Bay rocks. We're much happier here and Maidenhead seems a distant memory!
WILLIAM
Adjusted very well to the move! He has actually started SLEEPING THROUGH and no longer wakes asking for milk etc.! Is it the sea air? His new nursery? I don't know, but it's bloody brilliant! He can actually settle himself when he wakes at night now. It only took 2 long years of crap nights! He now has his bedtime milk in a cup, and although I offer him milk before his daytime nap, he doesn't really take it. I also no longer use the breathing sensor! New baby will need it.
He's waking very eary every day - usually around 5.30am - but I can't really complain since he goes down at 7pm.
He blows me away every day with what he can do and say. His speech is amazing - he can count to 14 and knows all of his letters and colours. He's talking in toddler-style sentences and knows an insane amount of words - I couldn't even try to count them. His favourite thing at the moment is jigsaws, and he can do his Peppa Pig, Teletubbies and In the Night Garden puzzles pretty much independently (all intended for kids aged 3+!!!!). I know every mum is biased but William is a real bright spark! He loves books, drawing, playdo, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and eating everything in sight - I'm really lucky not to have a fussy toddler!
On the downside, he's still very clingy and says 'mama! mama!' on loop throughout the day, repeatedly, until I want to boil my own head. Yesterday afternoon was particularly bad as I was trying to talk to my mum and he couldn't stand not being the centre of attention. He has to be in the same room as me and even comes to the loo with me every time I go! Yep, he's that clingy. With clinginess also comes temper tantrums. He goes through phases of extreme feistiness, which I'm sure must be v common in nearly-2s. But it's hard to stay patient when he's screaming because I didn't let him go down the stairs first, or a baked bean dropped on the floor. *sigh* I love him so much, but just a little more independence would be nice - especially with a new baby on the way. Speaking of which...........
PREGNANCY
I'm 34 wks pregnant today, and absolutely huge. Seriously! My pelvic pain is very bad, my back aches constantly, I have to go to the loo every 10 mins (approx.), and I have bouts of nausea and IBS throughout the day. FUN! Not to mention the mad mood swings. Anyway. My friend Deirdre had a little girl this morning, which was a real shock as she was 100% convinced it was a boy! For some reason this had made me freak out and panic that the scanner somehow got it wrong and I won't get my longed-for daughter. Silly, yes? That's hormones for you. Baby still moving loads, although less as she runs out of room. We haven't bought anything yet, and I'm getting the urge to nest, so we're going to get the crib etc this weekend. I'm hoping to have the baby a little early, maybe around 38 wks (are you listening to my request, little lady??) as I'm just so uncomfortable now.
Well, that's your lot for now. Off to library etc this afternoon and to meet my mum for coffee. Yay! xxxx
Saturday 31 May 2008
Big update
Heyhey! Its Saturday morning and I'm fighting the urge to nap while William does. Zzzzzz. Not sure why I'm so tired as William's sleep has been fine recently. Ah well. Here's all the news.......
1) House. WE FOUND A HOUSE!!!! Last weekend we had a looooong wkend in Herne Bay with my parents, with multiple house viewings. We saw some really lovely places - all soooo much bigger than anything we could afford here. But there was one house I totally fell in love with the minute I stepped inside it! Unexpectedlly, it's in Herne Bay, where my parents live......we really wanted to live in Whitstable as it's a bit hipper and so lovely - but Herne Bay is lovely too!
So, the house.....it's £950 per month and is MASSIVE. I'm talking huge here. Front and back garden, big entrance hall, massive kitchen, big conservatory/playroom leading to the garden, dining room, lounge and 4 bedrooms. FOUR!!! And it's a house with character - built in 1903, with fireplaces and everything. I hate faceless modern builds.
As we were walking round, I was getting more & more excited. I could totally see me and the kids here, in the playroom, going out to the garden in the summer........having friends round for a BBQ......it just felt so right. And the street is lovely too - big wide pavements, residential-y.
And the landlord! What a sweet man. He said he'd be happy to put a fridge/freezer, washing machine and a dishwasher in!!!! Best of all, it's 10-15 mins walk from the beach, park,town, leisure centre AND a soft play area!!
So after seeing this house, my judgement was clouded. Every other house we saw was far inferior. To me anyway. The only slight problems with this house were: a) it's not Whitstable and b) it's a long walk to the station. And Mike will still be commuting to London every day for work, and we don't have a car. But he's going to bike it! So I think it will work out fine. It will be slightly bizarre being in the same town in my parents - we weren't expecting that! But we're looking forward to having the option of babysitters occasionally so we can get some coupley time. The last time we went out to dinner was August last year. I kid you not. And the cinema? Before we even moved to Maidenhead - probably 2005!!
They're doing our credit checks at the mo - but after that, we should get the go ahead and the house will be OURS!!! I'm so so excited-our moving date is 4 weeks TODAY!!! I think I'm going to be really really happy there. :-)
2) Eating. I'm eating so much junk at the mo. I'm becoming much more aware of what crap is in most foods - mostly because I always scruitinise the ingredients of everything William eats. Never bothered me before but as I approach 30 (eeeeek!!) I want to subtley make a shift towards a more healthy lifestyle. Don't most people do that when they reach 30?? I worry about the junk I consume - so when we move, I want to make a big conscience effort to get more organic, home-grown fruit & veg - which will be easy, as they have lots of farmer's markets down there.
3) Childminding. Still sucks. I have just 2 more weeks left with Rebecca, and 4 with Louis. Yipppeeeee! Stupid OFSTED want to come and expect me though, which is completely nonsensical seeing as a) we're just about to move and b) I'm going to have at least a year off from it when the baby is born. Trying to think of ways to get out of it at the moment.
4) William. Is still my happy little boy. He's amazing me at the moment with how much he knows. He knows his numbers up to 12, all his colours, and most of the letters in the alphabet!!!!
His sleep is better, although he's being a little fussy with some of his foods - refusing to eat stuff that he's always loved, which is bizarre. He's still very demanding of my attention and likes to be watched all day, every day. Which can get a little wearying. If I'm not watching him, he says my name until I do! I'm sure he'll get more independent as he gets older. I think he's super bright, but I'm a little biased!
5) Pregnancy. And sexiness. I feel about as sexy as a sack of spuds right now. Big bump, big veiny boobs, big ass, greying maternity bras, big granny knickers. Hello boys! Not surprising seeing as I'm 26 weeks pregnant I guess. Been thinking recently though about sexing myself up again when this baby is born. Well, when I finish breastfeeding probably. I'm going to lose all the weight from both pregnancies, get some sexy underwear and nice clothes, sort out my old & decaying makeup, and make my hair half presentable at least. Until then, it's slob city!
Right, Mike wants the internet so I'd better go. Laters my lovelies xxxxxxxxxxxx
1) House. WE FOUND A HOUSE!!!! Last weekend we had a looooong wkend in Herne Bay with my parents, with multiple house viewings. We saw some really lovely places - all soooo much bigger than anything we could afford here. But there was one house I totally fell in love with the minute I stepped inside it! Unexpectedlly, it's in Herne Bay, where my parents live......we really wanted to live in Whitstable as it's a bit hipper and so lovely - but Herne Bay is lovely too!
So, the house.....it's £950 per month and is MASSIVE. I'm talking huge here. Front and back garden, big entrance hall, massive kitchen, big conservatory/playroom leading to the garden, dining room, lounge and 4 bedrooms. FOUR!!! And it's a house with character - built in 1903, with fireplaces and everything. I hate faceless modern builds.
As we were walking round, I was getting more & more excited. I could totally see me and the kids here, in the playroom, going out to the garden in the summer........having friends round for a BBQ......it just felt so right. And the street is lovely too - big wide pavements, residential-y.
And the landlord! What a sweet man. He said he'd be happy to put a fridge/freezer, washing machine and a dishwasher in!!!! Best of all, it's 10-15 mins walk from the beach, park,town, leisure centre AND a soft play area!!
So after seeing this house, my judgement was clouded. Every other house we saw was far inferior. To me anyway. The only slight problems with this house were: a) it's not Whitstable and b) it's a long walk to the station. And Mike will still be commuting to London every day for work, and we don't have a car. But he's going to bike it! So I think it will work out fine. It will be slightly bizarre being in the same town in my parents - we weren't expecting that! But we're looking forward to having the option of babysitters occasionally so we can get some coupley time. The last time we went out to dinner was August last year. I kid you not. And the cinema? Before we even moved to Maidenhead - probably 2005!!
They're doing our credit checks at the mo - but after that, we should get the go ahead and the house will be OURS!!! I'm so so excited-our moving date is 4 weeks TODAY!!! I think I'm going to be really really happy there. :-)
2) Eating. I'm eating so much junk at the mo. I'm becoming much more aware of what crap is in most foods - mostly because I always scruitinise the ingredients of everything William eats. Never bothered me before but as I approach 30 (eeeeek!!) I want to subtley make a shift towards a more healthy lifestyle. Don't most people do that when they reach 30?? I worry about the junk I consume - so when we move, I want to make a big conscience effort to get more organic, home-grown fruit & veg - which will be easy, as they have lots of farmer's markets down there.
3) Childminding. Still sucks. I have just 2 more weeks left with Rebecca, and 4 with Louis. Yipppeeeee! Stupid OFSTED want to come and expect me though, which is completely nonsensical seeing as a) we're just about to move and b) I'm going to have at least a year off from it when the baby is born. Trying to think of ways to get out of it at the moment.
4) William. Is still my happy little boy. He's amazing me at the moment with how much he knows. He knows his numbers up to 12, all his colours, and most of the letters in the alphabet!!!!
His sleep is better, although he's being a little fussy with some of his foods - refusing to eat stuff that he's always loved, which is bizarre. He's still very demanding of my attention and likes to be watched all day, every day. Which can get a little wearying. If I'm not watching him, he says my name until I do! I'm sure he'll get more independent as he gets older. I think he's super bright, but I'm a little biased!
5) Pregnancy. And sexiness. I feel about as sexy as a sack of spuds right now. Big bump, big veiny boobs, big ass, greying maternity bras, big granny knickers. Hello boys! Not surprising seeing as I'm 26 weeks pregnant I guess. Been thinking recently though about sexing myself up again when this baby is born. Well, when I finish breastfeeding probably. I'm going to lose all the weight from both pregnancies, get some sexy underwear and nice clothes, sort out my old & decaying makeup, and make my hair half presentable at least. Until then, it's slob city!
Right, Mike wants the internet so I'd better go. Laters my lovelies xxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday 19 May 2008
Typing at the speed of light......
........cos although both kids are asleep, I know one of them at least is going to wake up in a mo, and really i should be doing stuff like prepping dinner blah be blah....
No Louis today cos he's on holiday. Yay! Much easier with just 2.
We had a really, really lovely family weekend! On Saturday lunchtime after William's nap we caught the bus into town and all had lunch at noodlebar - man, I'm going to miss that place when we move, and so will William I suspect! We then whizzed off to the library - one of William's very favourite places! - where he read lots of books with daddy and we got some more out for him. Daddy then took him to cheeky charlies soft play while I did some quick food shopping! Phew! It was a lovely, busy afternoon and William had a blast!
Yesterday after William's nap we headed off to the annual Maidenhead Duck Derby!!!!! It was so much fun although poor Sausage had a bit of a cold and was a bit grumpy. We had an ice-cream, William and I rode the train round Ray Mill Island (he LOVED that), we had a few gos on the stalls, and watched punch and judy. It was great! After a walk along the river we headed home - William was getting REALLY grumpy by then. After my favourite dinner of fajhitas we watched Into the Wild - man, what a film. I couldn't stop thinking about it when I went to bed. Still can't, actually. I'm really fussy about films, and rarely watch them, but this one........it was brilliant!
William was very restless during the night as his nose is so stuffed up. Not much I can do except put Vicks on his chest and olbas oil in the cot. Still, he's been happy as ever this morning so I don't think (touch wood) he's ill really! After months of ignoring the vast majority of his toys, he's actually playing with them again! We had them all out this morning. He especially loves his newish alphabet & number puzzles!
Gotta tutor this evening which means racing to get William to bed by 7pm......tricky these days, especially as he naps later. Hurumph. Think we'll head off to the park for a good run around when he wakes up; should wear him out a bit.
Something feels wrong down there. It's either thrush or cystitis........or maybe both. Yuck. I think I'm going to have tro go and get it checked out at the docs.....cringe. Wish they weren't all bloody male docs.
Right, I'm going to try and do a couple of jobs before the kiddywinks wake up. Adios amigos....xxxx
No Louis today cos he's on holiday. Yay! Much easier with just 2.
We had a really, really lovely family weekend! On Saturday lunchtime after William's nap we caught the bus into town and all had lunch at noodlebar - man, I'm going to miss that place when we move, and so will William I suspect! We then whizzed off to the library - one of William's very favourite places! - where he read lots of books with daddy and we got some more out for him. Daddy then took him to cheeky charlies soft play while I did some quick food shopping! Phew! It was a lovely, busy afternoon and William had a blast!
Yesterday after William's nap we headed off to the annual Maidenhead Duck Derby!!!!! It was so much fun although poor Sausage had a bit of a cold and was a bit grumpy. We had an ice-cream, William and I rode the train round Ray Mill Island (he LOVED that), we had a few gos on the stalls, and watched punch and judy. It was great! After a walk along the river we headed home - William was getting REALLY grumpy by then. After my favourite dinner of fajhitas we watched Into the Wild - man, what a film. I couldn't stop thinking about it when I went to bed. Still can't, actually. I'm really fussy about films, and rarely watch them, but this one........it was brilliant!
William was very restless during the night as his nose is so stuffed up. Not much I can do except put Vicks on his chest and olbas oil in the cot. Still, he's been happy as ever this morning so I don't think (touch wood) he's ill really! After months of ignoring the vast majority of his toys, he's actually playing with them again! We had them all out this morning. He especially loves his newish alphabet & number puzzles!
Gotta tutor this evening which means racing to get William to bed by 7pm......tricky these days, especially as he naps later. Hurumph. Think we'll head off to the park for a good run around when he wakes up; should wear him out a bit.
Something feels wrong down there. It's either thrush or cystitis........or maybe both. Yuck. I think I'm going to have tro go and get it checked out at the docs.....cringe. Wish they weren't all bloody male docs.
Right, I'm going to try and do a couple of jobs before the kiddywinks wake up. Adios amigos....xxxx
Friday 16 May 2008
Chipper!
Friday afternoon! Peace has descended on the house as both boys are napping. I could easily nap myself right now - not sure why as I slept pretty well last night due to William.........(drum roll please) SLEEPING THROUGH!!! I think this might actually be the first time EVER that he's done this. No waking for milk, water, or anything. He slept soundly from 7.30pm to 6am!! Helps that it's cooler now and there was no need for the noisy fan in his room. I'm not holding my breath - almost certainly it's a one-off, but YAY, all the same!
This week:
1) Everyone now knows we're moving to Kent. I told Louisa,. Louis's mum (who wailed about this being her 'worst nightmare' - Jeez, thanks for the guilt trip) and Deirdre, Julia and the rest of the girls (who were sad but completely understood).
2) Rebecca's mum has told me she wants Rebecca to finish with me on the 15th June!! This is great as it's only 4 more weeks; it's not so great as I'll miss out on 2 weeks pay. But Mike thinks that will be ok & we'll manage.
3) Our new move date is 28/29th June. NEXT MONTH!!! We're going down to Whitstable next Friday to find a property hopefully..........*crosses fingers*
I'm so, SO excited about our move! I've got a permanent pre-holiday-excited feeling. It feels like the beginning of a new era......life will be so different and (I hope) wonderful! I can't wait to live by the sea. And no more yucky childminding for at least a year!! I feel nervous about having no income but according to Mike I'm entitled to maternity allowance as I've been self-employed, which is about £450 per month - plus we're saving like crazy. Gotta sort all the money stuff out this weekend to make sure we're ok.
And this weekend, blissfully, we haven't got to go anywhere - a nice chilled out family weekend. Yay!
Right, better skiddadle. Laters peeps xxxxxxxxxx
This week:
1) Everyone now knows we're moving to Kent. I told Louisa,. Louis's mum (who wailed about this being her 'worst nightmare' - Jeez, thanks for the guilt trip) and Deirdre, Julia and the rest of the girls (who were sad but completely understood).
2) Rebecca's mum has told me she wants Rebecca to finish with me on the 15th June!! This is great as it's only 4 more weeks; it's not so great as I'll miss out on 2 weeks pay. But Mike thinks that will be ok & we'll manage.
3) Our new move date is 28/29th June. NEXT MONTH!!! We're going down to Whitstable next Friday to find a property hopefully..........*crosses fingers*
I'm so, SO excited about our move! I've got a permanent pre-holiday-excited feeling. It feels like the beginning of a new era......life will be so different and (I hope) wonderful! I can't wait to live by the sea. And no more yucky childminding for at least a year!! I feel nervous about having no income but according to Mike I'm entitled to maternity allowance as I've been self-employed, which is about £450 per month - plus we're saving like crazy. Gotta sort all the money stuff out this weekend to make sure we're ok.
And this weekend, blissfully, we haven't got to go anywhere - a nice chilled out family weekend. Yay!
Right, better skiddadle. Laters peeps xxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday 14 May 2008
Dear Sausage
A little letter to celebrate your cuteness!
So, here we are at 20 months, and 2 days. You'll be 2 in 4 months - EEK! How did that happen?! I've loved watching you grow up little man. But this is my very favourite stage, right now. You've been through clingy stages, whingey stages, refusing-to-be-held-or-even-around-anyone-who-isn't-mummy/daddy-stages (man, THAT was stressful.....) but right now you are just so HAPPY! Everyone who meets who comments the same. You wake up full of beans and excitement (usually by calling 'mumma! mummmmmmaaaaaaaa'!') and pulling at your sleeping bag to get it off. That continues throughout the day! You laugh loads (sometimes manically - it's so funny!) and have never-ending energy, running about the house! It can get exhuasting but I'm so, SO glad you're like that and not all placid and boring! You love life!
Your vocabulary is HUGE. I can't list here all the things you can say; it's just so much! You can repeat most words you hear and are starting to put sentences together: 'night night mumma' (that melts my heart....). You know all the colours, numbers to 10, and lots of letters. You're a real bright spark.
Your favourite things to do are: reading, going to soft play, the park (especially the 'fimbs' (swings), the beach down at Beaky and Rav's, drawing, helping mummy with jobs around the house (turning on the washing machine etc), running around in people's gardens......you do play with your toys a bit but usually there are far more interesting things to do!
Your sleep is erratic, to say the least......always has been! You're still waking, and having some milk, in the night - but I don't mind too much, as long as it's only once or twice. You have 1 nap in the day, usually after lunch at 12.30-1pm, for anything from 1.5 hours to 2.5 hours.
Your hair is crazy at the moment - all crazy curls! I can't bear to cut it. You absolutely love it when we're all together as a family, pointing to us and saying 'mumma! Daddy!'. You ADORE your daddy and get so excited when he comes home.
I love you so much Sausage. I'm so glad I've been at home with you since you've been born. I can't bear to miss out on a second of your growing up. Soon you're going to have a little sibling, but you'll always be my very special firstborn........
all my love, Mumma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So, here we are at 20 months, and 2 days. You'll be 2 in 4 months - EEK! How did that happen?! I've loved watching you grow up little man. But this is my very favourite stage, right now. You've been through clingy stages, whingey stages, refusing-to-be-held-or-even-around-anyone-who-isn't-mummy/daddy-stages (man, THAT was stressful.....) but right now you are just so HAPPY! Everyone who meets who comments the same. You wake up full of beans and excitement (usually by calling 'mumma! mummmmmmaaaaaaaa'!') and pulling at your sleeping bag to get it off. That continues throughout the day! You laugh loads (sometimes manically - it's so funny!) and have never-ending energy, running about the house! It can get exhuasting but I'm so, SO glad you're like that and not all placid and boring! You love life!
Your vocabulary is HUGE. I can't list here all the things you can say; it's just so much! You can repeat most words you hear and are starting to put sentences together: 'night night mumma' (that melts my heart....). You know all the colours, numbers to 10, and lots of letters. You're a real bright spark.
Your favourite things to do are: reading, going to soft play, the park (especially the 'fimbs' (swings), the beach down at Beaky and Rav's, drawing, helping mummy with jobs around the house (turning on the washing machine etc), running around in people's gardens......you do play with your toys a bit but usually there are far more interesting things to do!
Your sleep is erratic, to say the least......always has been! You're still waking, and having some milk, in the night - but I don't mind too much, as long as it's only once or twice. You have 1 nap in the day, usually after lunch at 12.30-1pm, for anything from 1.5 hours to 2.5 hours.
Your hair is crazy at the moment - all crazy curls! I can't bear to cut it. You absolutely love it when we're all together as a family, pointing to us and saying 'mumma! Daddy!'. You ADORE your daddy and get so excited when he comes home.
I love you so much Sausage. I'm so glad I've been at home with you since you've been born. I can't bear to miss out on a second of your growing up. Soon you're going to have a little sibling, but you'll always be my very special firstborn........
all my love, Mumma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thursday 8 May 2008
GLORIOUS sunshine!
Oh My God, I love, love, LOVE this weather!!!! It's so wonderfully hot and sunny, with blue skies and a lovely summer breeze............it just makes me so happy!!! I'm definitely a summer girl. It's no wonder us English are such miserable people - we have such a long winter. But this makes up for it!!
This week, despite Mike not being here, has been lovely - mostly because of the weather! On Tuesday afternoon I took Rebecca and William to the park in the sunshine - we had a blast and Sausage kept on trying on my shades - he looked sooooooooooooo cute!
Yesterday morning we dashed off into town at 9am for my midwife appt. at 9.30. All ok there - despite me thinking I'm massive I'm measuring spot on for my dates (23 wks now!!!). Heard heartbeat which was reassuring as always. Then we went to the library which William always loves - he's such a bookworm! - and to buy him new shoes, which took forever as he has a high instep and loads weren't fitting properly.
And yesterday afternoon I FINALLY told Rebecca's mum that a) I'm pregnant b) we're moving to Kent and c) that June will be my last month with Rebecca! And it was FINE! Why was I worried?! She was made redundant on Tuesday so things would have changed anyway.
This morning we went to playgroup again in the sunshine - William was a bit grouchy but cheered up when he did some painting (on an easel like a grown up!) and played in some bubbly water. He loves being outside. And now both babies are napping and Julia's coming over in an hour or so - we're taking the kids to the park.
So I feel all sunny & content. I suppose the only thing bothering me is our forthcoming trip to Plymouth on Saturday, for many reasons. I'm dreading seeing all of Joyce's stuff, I really don't want to visit the open casket but don't want to offend Mike by not doing so, there's the funeral on Monday............*sigh*. Not to mention the loooooong car journey with William. I just need to be there for my husband I guess.
I need to do a William entry, all about him and his little ways soon. He's been sleeping better this week. He tends to wake around 10-11pm and I usually give him a milk top-up, but if he wakes again in the night I only give him water now - he was drinking stupid amounts of milk in the night. He usually wakes at least once more but I can generally settle him quickly. His nursery, as the hottest room in the house, is like a furnace in this weather - temp was 27 degrees last night! The fan doesn't really help- just blows the hot air about!
Right- better get on. Toodleoo for now.............xxxx
This week, despite Mike not being here, has been lovely - mostly because of the weather! On Tuesday afternoon I took Rebecca and William to the park in the sunshine - we had a blast and Sausage kept on trying on my shades - he looked sooooooooooooo cute!
Yesterday morning we dashed off into town at 9am for my midwife appt. at 9.30. All ok there - despite me thinking I'm massive I'm measuring spot on for my dates (23 wks now!!!). Heard heartbeat which was reassuring as always. Then we went to the library which William always loves - he's such a bookworm! - and to buy him new shoes, which took forever as he has a high instep and loads weren't fitting properly.
And yesterday afternoon I FINALLY told Rebecca's mum that a) I'm pregnant b) we're moving to Kent and c) that June will be my last month with Rebecca! And it was FINE! Why was I worried?! She was made redundant on Tuesday so things would have changed anyway.
This morning we went to playgroup again in the sunshine - William was a bit grouchy but cheered up when he did some painting (on an easel like a grown up!) and played in some bubbly water. He loves being outside. And now both babies are napping and Julia's coming over in an hour or so - we're taking the kids to the park.
So I feel all sunny & content. I suppose the only thing bothering me is our forthcoming trip to Plymouth on Saturday, for many reasons. I'm dreading seeing all of Joyce's stuff, I really don't want to visit the open casket but don't want to offend Mike by not doing so, there's the funeral on Monday............*sigh*. Not to mention the loooooong car journey with William. I just need to be there for my husband I guess.
I need to do a William entry, all about him and his little ways soon. He's been sleeping better this week. He tends to wake around 10-11pm and I usually give him a milk top-up, but if he wakes again in the night I only give him water now - he was drinking stupid amounts of milk in the night. He usually wakes at least once more but I can generally settle him quickly. His nursery, as the hottest room in the house, is like a furnace in this weather - temp was 27 degrees last night! The fan doesn't really help- just blows the hot air about!
Right- better get on. Toodleoo for now.............xxxx
Tuesday 6 May 2008
Despite everything.....
............we had a lovely weekend.
I was very blue on Friday when I wrote that last entry. On Saturday morning Mike drove back from Plymouth. He was exactly as I expected. It was so good to give him a massive hug. After some half-hearted discussion about what to do over the bank holiday weekend (man, I'm so bored of Maidenhead now-and so is he) we decided to go to Beaky and Rav's for the weekend - as was previously planned! They live in Herne Bay by the sea! We got there at about 3pm and had a lovely, lovely few days. It was perfect as it really took Mike's mind off everything! The weather (unusually for bank holiday) was wonderful - sunny, warm, and gorgeous.
We:
* Went to Whitstable harbour - I love that place, with its gorgeous fish market and cute little stalls! William even paddled in the sea! He loved all the stones and picked out shells too! We all had ice-creams -even William!
* Walked along Herne Bay seafront.
* Went to Herne Bay and sat on the beach. We bought William a bucket and spade which he loved - Beaky showed him how to make sandcastles! We also walked out to the 'spit', and ate ice-creams! Again!
* Went out to dinner at a gorgeous pub and had Sunday roasts. William's routine went totally out the window and he ate dinner with us about 7.30pm! He loved being a 'grown up' and ate a ridiculously big dinner, including shedloads of gravy and cranberry sauce!
* Went to the Whitstable May Day fair in the Whitstable castle grounds- which was fab. We saw morris dancers, maypole dancers, and got William two balloons (including an IgglePiggle/ Upsy Daisy one) which he loved. He also loved playing in the fountains!
All in all, a lovely weekend. I love Whitstable and Herne Bay so much. Not long to go til we're there........
Beaky (or 'Beat' as William calls her!) and 'Rad' were bowled over by William's cuteness and funniness. I may be biased, but my little boy has such an amazing character - I'm so proud of him.
Mike's back in Plymouth now - he drove back this morning. I was a bit concerned about him going back - after being totally away from it all - but he had to go back. He's back on Friday to pick me up, and then we're all going back on Saturday for the funeral next Monday.
Today is gloriously sunny and warm! I'm wearing a skirt! At playgroup this morning all the toys were outside - it was lovely! My plan is to take the kids to the park this afternoon - when William wakes up. He's had some very short nights recently, going to bed as late as 9pm so he needs to catch up.
I'm supposed to be tutoring at 7pm but I might postpone til tomorrow - I'm so tired.
I HAVE to tell everyone the news that we're moving this week - Rebecca's mum & dad, Louis's mum, and the girls. I can't leave it any longer. It's like a cloud hanging over me - just gotta do it.
Rebecca is crying as I'm typing this. Better go.
I was very blue on Friday when I wrote that last entry. On Saturday morning Mike drove back from Plymouth. He was exactly as I expected. It was so good to give him a massive hug. After some half-hearted discussion about what to do over the bank holiday weekend (man, I'm so bored of Maidenhead now-and so is he) we decided to go to Beaky and Rav's for the weekend - as was previously planned! They live in Herne Bay by the sea! We got there at about 3pm and had a lovely, lovely few days. It was perfect as it really took Mike's mind off everything! The weather (unusually for bank holiday) was wonderful - sunny, warm, and gorgeous.
We:
* Went to Whitstable harbour - I love that place, with its gorgeous fish market and cute little stalls! William even paddled in the sea! He loved all the stones and picked out shells too! We all had ice-creams -even William!
* Walked along Herne Bay seafront.
* Went to Herne Bay and sat on the beach. We bought William a bucket and spade which he loved - Beaky showed him how to make sandcastles! We also walked out to the 'spit', and ate ice-creams! Again!
* Went out to dinner at a gorgeous pub and had Sunday roasts. William's routine went totally out the window and he ate dinner with us about 7.30pm! He loved being a 'grown up' and ate a ridiculously big dinner, including shedloads of gravy and cranberry sauce!
* Went to the Whitstable May Day fair in the Whitstable castle grounds- which was fab. We saw morris dancers, maypole dancers, and got William two balloons (including an IgglePiggle/ Upsy Daisy one) which he loved. He also loved playing in the fountains!
All in all, a lovely weekend. I love Whitstable and Herne Bay so much. Not long to go til we're there........
Beaky (or 'Beat' as William calls her!) and 'Rad' were bowled over by William's cuteness and funniness. I may be biased, but my little boy has such an amazing character - I'm so proud of him.
Mike's back in Plymouth now - he drove back this morning. I was a bit concerned about him going back - after being totally away from it all - but he had to go back. He's back on Friday to pick me up, and then we're all going back on Saturday for the funeral next Monday.
Today is gloriously sunny and warm! I'm wearing a skirt! At playgroup this morning all the toys were outside - it was lovely! My plan is to take the kids to the park this afternoon - when William wakes up. He's had some very short nights recently, going to bed as late as 9pm so he needs to catch up.
I'm supposed to be tutoring at 7pm but I might postpone til tomorrow - I'm so tired.
I HAVE to tell everyone the news that we're moving this week - Rebecca's mum & dad, Louis's mum, and the girls. I can't leave it any longer. It's like a cloud hanging over me - just gotta do it.
Rebecca is crying as I'm typing this. Better go.
Friday 2 May 2008
Drained
....is how I feel right now.
What a week. Joyce died on Wednesday afternoon at about 4pm. Mike rang me straight after in floods of tears. She had just said 'I love you' to them just before she died....having not spoken for hours. My wonderful husband is in pieces, as you would expect. Stuff round the house keeps on making him cry.....like her writing on the calender. I know I would be exactly the same. It's so upsetting hearing him cry - I hate to think of him so upset, I feel so powerless.
He's coming back tomorrow til Tuesday. Yay! William and I haven't seen him since Monday. I think it will do him good to get away from that house with all her stuff everywhere. He'll then go back to Plymouth til next Friday, come back, pick me and William up and we'll spend Saturday, Sunday, and Monday (day of the funeral) there.
It's all so surreal. Typing this, I still can't believe it's happened. Doesn't seem real. I think the funeral might change that.
Yesterday and today have been rather challenging days. Tuesday and Wednesday I had Beak and Rav over here, which was lovely. William was on top form, and they were bowled over by his cuteness. But the last 2 days William's been really clingy and demanding. It's been so draining - he won't let me so much as have a drink without wanting to drag me somewhere. I'm trying to be as patient as possible, but it's wearying - he's just not been independent at all. And I'm doing all the housey things by myself which Mike normally helps with.......I can't even do the washing up without William insisting I pick him uo. Oh God, typing this, I feel really guilty about snapping at him when I was trying to get him into his pyjamas, and he was playing up. I was just so tired - I didn't mean to. His sleep has gone completely to pot. I can only assume he's a) missing Mike and b) knows something is up. I think tomorrow will be easier, when Mike is back......maybe we could do some nice family things. Have to see what Mike feels like though, obviously.
I really wish Beaky and Rav lived near. They will soon I guess. I'm 22 weeks pregnant, tired, drained, worried about Mike - and I want my mum and dad.
It's 9.43pm, I should probably get to bed, as who knows how many times Sausage will wake me in the night. Was there once a time I used to go out drinking and clubbing on a Friday night?! It was a different me...........even more unbelievably, was there once a time I used to go to bed and actually wake up the next day? With no interruptions? That I can't believe..........
What a week. Joyce died on Wednesday afternoon at about 4pm. Mike rang me straight after in floods of tears. She had just said 'I love you' to them just before she died....having not spoken for hours. My wonderful husband is in pieces, as you would expect. Stuff round the house keeps on making him cry.....like her writing on the calender. I know I would be exactly the same. It's so upsetting hearing him cry - I hate to think of him so upset, I feel so powerless.
He's coming back tomorrow til Tuesday. Yay! William and I haven't seen him since Monday. I think it will do him good to get away from that house with all her stuff everywhere. He'll then go back to Plymouth til next Friday, come back, pick me and William up and we'll spend Saturday, Sunday, and Monday (day of the funeral) there.
It's all so surreal. Typing this, I still can't believe it's happened. Doesn't seem real. I think the funeral might change that.
Yesterday and today have been rather challenging days. Tuesday and Wednesday I had Beak and Rav over here, which was lovely. William was on top form, and they were bowled over by his cuteness. But the last 2 days William's been really clingy and demanding. It's been so draining - he won't let me so much as have a drink without wanting to drag me somewhere. I'm trying to be as patient as possible, but it's wearying - he's just not been independent at all. And I'm doing all the housey things by myself which Mike normally helps with.......I can't even do the washing up without William insisting I pick him uo. Oh God, typing this, I feel really guilty about snapping at him when I was trying to get him into his pyjamas, and he was playing up. I was just so tired - I didn't mean to. His sleep has gone completely to pot. I can only assume he's a) missing Mike and b) knows something is up. I think tomorrow will be easier, when Mike is back......maybe we could do some nice family things. Have to see what Mike feels like though, obviously.
I really wish Beaky and Rav lived near. They will soon I guess. I'm 22 weeks pregnant, tired, drained, worried about Mike - and I want my mum and dad.
It's 9.43pm, I should probably get to bed, as who knows how many times Sausage will wake me in the night. Was there once a time I used to go out drinking and clubbing on a Friday night?! It was a different me...........even more unbelievably, was there once a time I used to go to bed and actually wake up the next day? With no interruptions? That I can't believe..........
Wednesday 30 April 2008
Waiting for death
My mother in law has been slowly dying since Monday night. Mike is by her bedside, as is his dad and brother. They took her off everything yesterday at noon - drip etc - and expected her to die within 2 hours. 26 hours later, she's still alive, although her breathing is shallow and she hasn't moved for 4 hours apparently.
Beaky came over yesterday and Rav is here today - he's just gone to get me some groceries as I have all 3 kids today and going anywhere is impossible. I feel upset and weird about the whole thing. Mike is in a terrible way, having just sat at her bedside watching her die since he got to the hospital at about midnight on Monday night. I've had 2 crap nights sleep waiting for the phone to ring with the inevitable news and feel so drained. Nothing like he must be feeling though. This is so prolonged and painful - just waiting to die. Apparently she doesn't even look like Joyce anymore - she's sunken and so frail.
I have a headache. My lovely, lovely husband shouldn't have to go through this. I was never massively close to Joyce, but it's still upsetting. I feel detached from it here though- like it's not really real.
Surely she can't last much longer? For everyone's sake?
Beaky came over yesterday and Rav is here today - he's just gone to get me some groceries as I have all 3 kids today and going anywhere is impossible. I feel upset and weird about the whole thing. Mike is in a terrible way, having just sat at her bedside watching her die since he got to the hospital at about midnight on Monday night. I've had 2 crap nights sleep waiting for the phone to ring with the inevitable news and feel so drained. Nothing like he must be feeling though. This is so prolonged and painful - just waiting to die. Apparently she doesn't even look like Joyce anymore - she's sunken and so frail.
I have a headache. My lovely, lovely husband shouldn't have to go through this. I was never massively close to Joyce, but it's still upsetting. I feel detached from it here though- like it's not really real.
Surely she can't last much longer? For everyone's sake?
Monday 28 April 2008
Worried
I wrote a whole entry earlier, and it just got eaten.
In a nutshell. It's 7.52pm, and Mike is on his way to Plymouth to see his mum - complications following her op have turned serious and the hospitral suggested next to kin were called in. I just spoke to him and she's more 'with it' now according to his brother, but the doctors are saying next 24 hrs are crucial. We all thought she was recovering really well - this has come as a real shock.
I feel churny, anxious, lonely, sad, upset, and worried all at once. What will happen? Will she make it? I'd like to speak to her again. Will keep you updated..........
In a nutshell. It's 7.52pm, and Mike is on his way to Plymouth to see his mum - complications following her op have turned serious and the hospitral suggested next to kin were called in. I just spoke to him and she's more 'with it' now according to his brother, but the doctors are saying next 24 hrs are crucial. We all thought she was recovering really well - this has come as a real shock.
I feel churny, anxious, lonely, sad, upset, and worried all at once. What will happen? Will she make it? I'd like to speak to her again. Will keep you updated..........
Wednesday 23 April 2008
Do all good things have to come to an end?
We ended up having a blast yesterday afternoon in the sunshine! When William woke up from his nap we went to the park for over an hour - it was busy and lovely and William had great fun playing with his ball, going on the swings ('fimbs') and generally being gorgeous. On the way there he walked and was pointing out everything along the way - cats, walls, flowers.........it was so cute! He ate a massive dinner - his appetite has been HUGE recently! - and then Mike got home in time to put him to bed whilst I tutored.
Last night he slept really badly though - 2nd night in a row. We've been really lucky with his sleep recently - he's been going down at 7pm, waking once, maybe twice (but being easily settled) and then sleeping through til at least 7am. It's been great - some proper sleep, finally! But last night he was really coughing all night and was restless and whingey, finally waking at 5.50am. Nothing really settled him and I feel knackered this morning. So was he, until he went for his nap - ridiculously early, it's only 10am and he normally doesn't nap until 12.30-1pm.
He felt a little hot before I put him down and he's still got his bad cough. I sincerely hope he isn't going to get ill again. He's only just got over that nasty chest & ear infection. *deep sigh* For some reason I always feel guilty when he gets ill, like.....it's my fault. I don't know why. I know they have to get all these bugs to build immunity, and he's definitely started picking more stuff up since we started going to playgroup twice a week. I've given him calpol but I don't want to give him too much of that......that makes me feel guilty too. ARRGHHHH! Being a mother is such hard work sometimes. The worry, the lack of sleep, the guilt. Bleugh.
So it's a wet and miserable Wednesday - complete contrast to yesterday's sunshine. Was going to go to the library this morning but that hasn't happened obviously. Might be a stay-at-home day.........*yawns* - a little dull. I can't go out later as I have Louis as well as Rebecca. I'll see how William is when he wakes up.
Tuesday 22 April 2008
Rambling
I just ate lunch al fresco! It's gorgeous today - sunny and warm . Mmmmmm! I love summer. The winter has been so loooooooooooong, and miserable! I'm listening to Rule the World by Take That on YouTube - must be pregnancy hormones or something, but this song makes me v emotional at the moment.......
Both children are napping. Went to playgroup this morning - William loved it, especially the garage and little cars! Rebecca, of course, screamed her head off for most of it. I'm seriously at the end. of. my. TETHER with this child. I just wanted to have a chat with my friends, play with William and instead I end up getting wound up and just wanting to throw her through a window. She seems to hate playgroup - no idea why. God, she does my head in.
A thought occured to me at lunch - I hope William doesn't pick up on my tenseness. I try to remain calm as much as possible but I'm only human. He gets exasparated with her, just as I do. I want this home to be a happy, chilled home and it doesn't feel like that a lot of the time when she's here. But what can I do? I need to make a big effort to remain calm all the time I guess. 2 months to go.......
Speaking of William, I've also been trying to remain as calm as possible with some of his exasparating toddler-isms. These include:
1) Obsession with the toothpaste. Eating it, smearing it on my toothbrush. Again and again and again.
2) Opening and shutting the fridge, getting food out. Despite my protests. We had a smashed bottle of milk this morning.
3) Leading me by the hand to places when I've just sat down. Like the front room. Or kitchen.
4) Snacking round the clock. Asking for 'more' when he has food in both hands.
5) Shrieking. God, I hate this habit.
6) Lack of interest with ALL of his toys!
I've already fallen into the trap of being pretty lenient with most things to avoid major tantrums. I'm quite a relaxed parent and have fairly relaxed boundaries, but I need to ensure I stick to these boundaries.
I guess I need to be more patient. I thought I was.....I suspect I'm a lot more patient than other parents, but not as patient as I'd like to do. When it takes us 30 mins to walk 5 mins down the road to the shop, I remind myself that everything is fascinating to a 20 month old.....the gates, the bush, the cars. I just want William to feel loved, secure, and safe, and I'm sure he does. I don't want to be an 'exasparated' parent, always tutting and taking deep breaths.
Things will be so much easier when we move. I can't wait. I'm done here. I'm fed up with this place, the people, the lack of interesting stuff to do. If I had a car, or could indeed drive, we could be off somewhere fun this afternoon. Ugh. I feel a bit hard done by I guess. All my mummy friends have their mums nearby and spend loads of time with them in the week. They all have cars. I feel a bit..........isolated. I was going to go to the library this afternoon, but William woke at 5am - yes, 5am!!! - this morning, and the thought of pushing the double buggy up the hill is just too tiring. If I had just William, we could take the bus. So I guess it'll be the park again!
This is a bit of a rambling entry. I'm in a chipper mood, just a bit...........thoughtful. The peace in this room is lovely. No music, no TV. I can hear the birds chirruping. Wish I could take a nap..........
Both children are napping. Went to playgroup this morning - William loved it, especially the garage and little cars! Rebecca, of course, screamed her head off for most of it. I'm seriously at the end. of. my. TETHER with this child. I just wanted to have a chat with my friends, play with William and instead I end up getting wound up and just wanting to throw her through a window. She seems to hate playgroup - no idea why. God, she does my head in.
A thought occured to me at lunch - I hope William doesn't pick up on my tenseness. I try to remain calm as much as possible but I'm only human. He gets exasparated with her, just as I do. I want this home to be a happy, chilled home and it doesn't feel like that a lot of the time when she's here. But what can I do? I need to make a big effort to remain calm all the time I guess. 2 months to go.......
Speaking of William, I've also been trying to remain as calm as possible with some of his exasparating toddler-isms. These include:
1) Obsession with the toothpaste. Eating it, smearing it on my toothbrush. Again and again and again.
2) Opening and shutting the fridge, getting food out. Despite my protests. We had a smashed bottle of milk this morning.
3) Leading me by the hand to places when I've just sat down. Like the front room. Or kitchen.
4) Snacking round the clock. Asking for 'more' when he has food in both hands.
5) Shrieking. God, I hate this habit.
6) Lack of interest with ALL of his toys!
I've already fallen into the trap of being pretty lenient with most things to avoid major tantrums. I'm quite a relaxed parent and have fairly relaxed boundaries, but I need to ensure I stick to these boundaries.
I guess I need to be more patient. I thought I was.....I suspect I'm a lot more patient than other parents, but not as patient as I'd like to do. When it takes us 30 mins to walk 5 mins down the road to the shop, I remind myself that everything is fascinating to a 20 month old.....the gates, the bush, the cars. I just want William to feel loved, secure, and safe, and I'm sure he does. I don't want to be an 'exasparated' parent, always tutting and taking deep breaths.
Things will be so much easier when we move. I can't wait. I'm done here. I'm fed up with this place, the people, the lack of interesting stuff to do. If I had a car, or could indeed drive, we could be off somewhere fun this afternoon. Ugh. I feel a bit hard done by I guess. All my mummy friends have their mums nearby and spend loads of time with them in the week. They all have cars. I feel a bit..........isolated. I was going to go to the library this afternoon, but William woke at 5am - yes, 5am!!! - this morning, and the thought of pushing the double buggy up the hill is just too tiring. If I had just William, we could take the bus. So I guess it'll be the park again!
This is a bit of a rambling entry. I'm in a chipper mood, just a bit...........thoughtful. The peace in this room is lovely. No music, no TV. I can hear the birds chirruping. Wish I could take a nap..........
Monday 21 April 2008
Luurverly weekend!
Fab weekend, as always :-)
Friday was just such a lovely day. I LOVE it when Mike's here - it can be a little lonely being a SAHM and everything is just so much more relaaaaaaaxed when he's here!! After the scan (and the news! Jeez - still can't believe it's true - I daren't believe it might!!) we had a really chilled afternoon. I tutored and he took William to the park. Then in the evening I WENT OUT!!! Haven't been out for aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages. I went to a swank Thai with all my Maidenhead mummy mates - Deirdre, Julia, Angela, Mandy, Sarah and Lucy. It was lovely - Deirdre and I were giggling so much! The food was FIT. I kept on thinking about leaving this town in just over 2 months, and it made me so sad. The girls still don't know - it's going to be so hard telling them, especially Deirdre and Julia who are really good friends. I think I'm going to have to tell them soon though.
Speaking of telling people - I'm telling Rebecca's mum and Louis's mum this week that I'm a) pregnant b) moving to Kent c) no longer looker after their children from July. EEEEK! Talk about a triple whammy. This is also not going to be easy but I'm determined to do it THIS WEEK. *grits teeth*
We went to Rugby on Saturday to see Buzz (Jacqui) and Meat (Mark). It was lovely. William loved all the space in their house and he especially loved their cats ('tats')! I had a special pregnancy massage on Saturday which was bliss too, whilst Mike and Sausage fed the ducks!
Money is a little concern at the moment, which it hasn't been for ages actually. I'm not really tutoring enough and I need to do more. A lot of my students disappeared over the Easter break. It's just about ok I think at the moment.......
Went to Big Fun soft play this morning which was great fun except for a screaming Rebecca. So this afternoon I think I'm just going to stay in. It's a bit wet and yuck out there. I need to get some more at-home activities for William - he seems a bit bored of everything at the moment.
I'm thinking:
1) sticklebricks
2) paints
3) felt-tip pens - he loves drawing
4) eeerrmm......
I've been sweating the small stuff waaaaaaay too much recently. Getting stressed about little, unimportant things. I'm not doing that anymore. I also always have a very small, very vague sense of anxiety about something, permanently there in the background - no matter how chilled and relaxed and happy I am. I need to get rid of that somehow. For the most part though, I'm happy and sunny and positive and YAY!
Right, William's been asleep for 1 hr 10 mins - better do some washing up and stuff!
Friday was just such a lovely day. I LOVE it when Mike's here - it can be a little lonely being a SAHM and everything is just so much more relaaaaaaaxed when he's here!! After the scan (and the news! Jeez - still can't believe it's true - I daren't believe it might!!) we had a really chilled afternoon. I tutored and he took William to the park. Then in the evening I WENT OUT!!! Haven't been out for aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages. I went to a swank Thai with all my Maidenhead mummy mates - Deirdre, Julia, Angela, Mandy, Sarah and Lucy. It was lovely - Deirdre and I were giggling so much! The food was FIT. I kept on thinking about leaving this town in just over 2 months, and it made me so sad. The girls still don't know - it's going to be so hard telling them, especially Deirdre and Julia who are really good friends. I think I'm going to have to tell them soon though.
Speaking of telling people - I'm telling Rebecca's mum and Louis's mum this week that I'm a) pregnant b) moving to Kent c) no longer looker after their children from July. EEEEK! Talk about a triple whammy. This is also not going to be easy but I'm determined to do it THIS WEEK. *grits teeth*
We went to Rugby on Saturday to see Buzz (Jacqui) and Meat (Mark). It was lovely. William loved all the space in their house and he especially loved their cats ('tats')! I had a special pregnancy massage on Saturday which was bliss too, whilst Mike and Sausage fed the ducks!
Money is a little concern at the moment, which it hasn't been for ages actually. I'm not really tutoring enough and I need to do more. A lot of my students disappeared over the Easter break. It's just about ok I think at the moment.......
Went to Big Fun soft play this morning which was great fun except for a screaming Rebecca. So this afternoon I think I'm just going to stay in. It's a bit wet and yuck out there. I need to get some more at-home activities for William - he seems a bit bored of everything at the moment.
I'm thinking:
1) sticklebricks
2) paints
3) felt-tip pens - he loves drawing
4) eeerrmm......
I've been sweating the small stuff waaaaaaay too much recently. Getting stressed about little, unimportant things. I'm not doing that anymore. I also always have a very small, very vague sense of anxiety about something, permanently there in the background - no matter how chilled and relaxed and happy I am. I need to get rid of that somehow. For the most part though, I'm happy and sunny and positive and YAY!
Right, William's been asleep for 1 hr 10 mins - better do some washing up and stuff!
Friday 18 April 2008
It's a.............:-D
......................GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously-I can't believe it's true! I can't believe I could be that lucky! A GIRL!!!!!!!!!! A GIRL!!!!! Woweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
The scan went really, really well. Importantly, the baby is doing great and spot on in terms of measurements etc. Initially the cord was between the baby's legs and I looked at it and thought 'wow, that's a giant willy!'. But then once it had moved she said that it 'looked like a little girl' and that she thought she could see LABIA!!! My eyes actually filled with tears when she said that - I couldn't believe it!!!! No matter how much I tried to deny it to myself.........I really would love a little girl!
The thing is, I know mistakes do happen and people are told the wrong things in scans. I don't want to go crazy buying pink stuff - just in case! But............mistakes are rare, surely?! Oh my GOSH!!!!!
It certainly explains why I've been so poorly this pregnancy with all the sickness etc. And I just had a girl vibe from early on. Just goes to show - instincts are often right!
Anyway - just came on to tell my dear diary the fabulous news!! Off to Rugby this weekend-YAY!! xxxx
Seriously-I can't believe it's true! I can't believe I could be that lucky! A GIRL!!!!!!!!!! A GIRL!!!!! Woweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
The scan went really, really well. Importantly, the baby is doing great and spot on in terms of measurements etc. Initially the cord was between the baby's legs and I looked at it and thought 'wow, that's a giant willy!'. But then once it had moved she said that it 'looked like a little girl' and that she thought she could see LABIA!!! My eyes actually filled with tears when she said that - I couldn't believe it!!!! No matter how much I tried to deny it to myself.........I really would love a little girl!
The thing is, I know mistakes do happen and people are told the wrong things in scans. I don't want to go crazy buying pink stuff - just in case! But............mistakes are rare, surely?! Oh my GOSH!!!!!
It certainly explains why I've been so poorly this pregnancy with all the sickness etc. And I just had a girl vibe from early on. Just goes to show - instincts are often right!
Anyway - just came on to tell my dear diary the fabulous news!! Off to Rugby this weekend-YAY!! xxxx
Tuesday 15 April 2008
And breathe
A rather stressful morning.
Rebecca has screamed like a banshee for most of it. She cries at everything - when I try to leave the room, when I go upstairs, when William so much as taps her..........it's so wearying and I feel myself boiling up with rage as her cry just goes straight through me, it's hideous. I never thought I'd feel such anger towards a child.
I can't bear this job any longer. This stress is not good for my health.
We went for a lovely walk in the sun this morning to the pharmacy and shop to buy Pregnacare, toothbrushes, and envelopes. I'm really not feeling that patient with William this morning though either-not sure why. When he tried to draw on the radiator with felt-tip pens I was not impressed.
My throat is better. Major drama with my brother yesterday! He rang from Chicago for some 'sisterly advice' - I found that really touching! He's been dating his girlfriend Becky on and off for aaaaaages - about 7 years or something. But in Chicago he's met a new girl, Erin, who is really into sports and much more like him. So Becky came out to visit him last Sunday and he basically realised he had to finish with Becky - which he did last night after I'd talked to him. But of an EEK situation but I think he's done the right thing.
And Mike's brother's fiance had a baby yesterday by c-section! It's called Brandon....not sure about the name at all, reminds me of Beverly Hills 90210 but hey!!!!!
3 days til the scan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rebecca has screamed like a banshee for most of it. She cries at everything - when I try to leave the room, when I go upstairs, when William so much as taps her..........it's so wearying and I feel myself boiling up with rage as her cry just goes straight through me, it's hideous. I never thought I'd feel such anger towards a child.
I can't bear this job any longer. This stress is not good for my health.
We went for a lovely walk in the sun this morning to the pharmacy and shop to buy Pregnacare, toothbrushes, and envelopes. I'm really not feeling that patient with William this morning though either-not sure why. When he tried to draw on the radiator with felt-tip pens I was not impressed.
My throat is better. Major drama with my brother yesterday! He rang from Chicago for some 'sisterly advice' - I found that really touching! He's been dating his girlfriend Becky on and off for aaaaaages - about 7 years or something. But in Chicago he's met a new girl, Erin, who is really into sports and much more like him. So Becky came out to visit him last Sunday and he basically realised he had to finish with Becky - which he did last night after I'd talked to him. But of an EEK situation but I think he's done the right thing.
And Mike's brother's fiance had a baby yesterday by c-section! It's called Brandon....not sure about the name at all, reminds me of Beverly Hills 90210 but hey!!!!!
3 days til the scan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday 14 April 2008
Yet more illness!
Hurumph. I'm in a really chipper mood today but I seem to have come down with yet another bloody illness. I have a really painful throat - it's like swallowing razor blades! - all my glands are up and I feel shattered. I really, really hope it's not the same thing that Deirdre had, as that lasted for 3 weeks!!!!!!
Fight it off!! Fight it off! Lemon & ginger tea, bizarrely, is really helping. But what I actually need is a nice fat dose of Nurofen, or a lemsip. Being ill when pregnant really, really sucks.
To be honest, I'd much rather it me be ill than William - and he's soooooo much better. We had a lovely weekend in Bristol (apart from a few stressful moments when I could really have done with Mike....).
Anyway. I'm having a kick-ass day, doing housework and all sorts. I need to take William and Rebecca out today when they wake up but I really don't feel like it. Might brave the park - but jeez, I'm so bored of that place. Hmmmm........
Fight it off!! Fight it off! Lemon & ginger tea, bizarrely, is really helping. But what I actually need is a nice fat dose of Nurofen, or a lemsip. Being ill when pregnant really, really sucks.
To be honest, I'd much rather it me be ill than William - and he's soooooo much better. We had a lovely weekend in Bristol (apart from a few stressful moments when I could really have done with Mike....).
Anyway. I'm having a kick-ass day, doing housework and all sorts. I need to take William and Rebecca out today when they wake up but I really don't feel like it. Might brave the park - but jeez, I'm so bored of that place. Hmmmm........
Saturday 12 April 2008
Quickie
.....I'm off to Bristol this morning to see my dear friends! Mike's on a boys weekend. Booooo. I hate it when we don't spend the weekend together. It hardly ever happens to be honest. But I look after William all week, and it's nice to have someone to help out at the weekend.
Anyway! Brief bullets...........
1) Mini-cookie is kicking LOADS at the moment. I love it! So reassuring. Also am looking very very pregnant.....and I'm only 19 weeks!!!!
2) 20 wk scan next Friday. Very excited!!! I'm getting a little obsessional over the whole boy/girl thing - just like I did with William. Yes, I want a girl - I'd love a daughter, and this is going to be my last pregnancy so this really is last chance saloon. But I don't want to be disappointed if we discover it's a boy. Because that's really horrid. I really wish I hadn't told everyone I was rooting for a girl - are they going to feel like they have to offer condolences if we find out it's a boy??? At the end of the day a healthy baby is all that matters! I know that deep down!
3) William is slowly getting better thanks to antibiotics. He's still really tired though and slept til 9.15am yesterday!! Madness. After he woke up we met up with Deidre and went to Boulters Lock to feed the ducks. William loved it and quacked like mad - especially when they took bread from his hand! He thought it was hilarious! I just hope he's not going to be ratty today or that will make for a stressful afternoon.
4) He's sleeping right now, which means he'll be awake for the entire car journey to the south west....YIKES!
5) Mike sent me flowers yesterday. They're beautiful and the note says what a wonderful wife and mother I am. I have a very romantic, wonderful husband! We spent the evening snuggled up watching Greys Anatomy and Romeo and Juliet....I must have seen that movie about a million times, but I still cry at the end!
Ok that's it. I'll be going in about an hour probably. Toodlepip for now!
Anyway! Brief bullets...........
1) Mini-cookie is kicking LOADS at the moment. I love it! So reassuring. Also am looking very very pregnant.....and I'm only 19 weeks!!!!
2) 20 wk scan next Friday. Very excited!!! I'm getting a little obsessional over the whole boy/girl thing - just like I did with William. Yes, I want a girl - I'd love a daughter, and this is going to be my last pregnancy so this really is last chance saloon. But I don't want to be disappointed if we discover it's a boy. Because that's really horrid. I really wish I hadn't told everyone I was rooting for a girl - are they going to feel like they have to offer condolences if we find out it's a boy??? At the end of the day a healthy baby is all that matters! I know that deep down!
3) William is slowly getting better thanks to antibiotics. He's still really tired though and slept til 9.15am yesterday!! Madness. After he woke up we met up with Deidre and went to Boulters Lock to feed the ducks. William loved it and quacked like mad - especially when they took bread from his hand! He thought it was hilarious! I just hope he's not going to be ratty today or that will make for a stressful afternoon.
4) He's sleeping right now, which means he'll be awake for the entire car journey to the south west....YIKES!
5) Mike sent me flowers yesterday. They're beautiful and the note says what a wonderful wife and mother I am. I have a very romantic, wonderful husband! We spent the evening snuggled up watching Greys Anatomy and Romeo and Juliet....I must have seen that movie about a million times, but I still cry at the end!
Ok that's it. I'll be going in about an hour probably. Toodlepip for now!
Thursday 10 April 2008
Weird
William's having his longest nap ever and it feels weird. He's been asleep since 12 and it's now just gone 3.30pm!!! His previous longest was just under 3 hours. There's a reason for it: my poor little man has not only an ear infection, but also a chest infection. We went to the docs this morning after it was clear that he was very poorly this morning. I think he's had this all week but it really came out in full throttle today!
I'm just a little concerned that..........ooooh! He's awake. Gotta go....continue later xxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm just a little concerned that..........ooooh! He's awake. Gotta go....continue later xxxxxxxxxxxx
Tuesday 8 April 2008
Flat
I feel really flat and a little low this morning.
It's the Easter holiday here in Maidenhead, so no Tuesday morning playgroup. :-( Or Thursday morning playgroup. Or MAD music class on Friday...........for 2 weeks!! Bleugh.
We stayed in all day yesterday and it was a loooooooooooong afternoon. Poor Sausage was clingy and out of sorts and brought me book after book to read. He didn't really want to play or anything. Louis was subdued too, and Rebecca......well, she was just her normal pain-in-the-ass self.
I went to bed at 8.50pm after having just soup for dinner and my tummy seems normal now....touch wood. William had a temperature on and off all night which I soothed with infant ibuprofen. He's not right this morning either and went for his nap at 10am....so much earlier than normal.
It's a week since he had the MMR, and he's been ill on and off ever since. They said the main effects occured a week after the jab....which is today. But it's irritating as before the jab he was completely healthy; no colds or anything. He now has: a temperature, a cold, a cough, and gunky eyes! I'm totally pro-vaccine, and he definitely had to have it, but he seems to have had a particularly unpleasant reaction to it. I feel like I'm giving him loads of calpol and ibuprofen-which I'm not really-but how else can I bring his temperature down and make him comfortable?
I hate staying in the house. It's going to get harder & harder for me to go into town etc as I get bigger, as the hill I have to walk up is a killer.....so I think I'll be staying in a lot more before we move. Which is a miserable thought. I'm yearning to move to Whitstable. I just think things will be so much easier over there. 3 months............
And I can't WAIT to stop f*cking childminding. I hate, hate, HATE this job. And I suck at it. I hate doing something I suck at. I was a bloody good teacher. This......is just not me.
Also Mike's off to see his friends this weekend - which is fair enough, he hasn't done that for ages. I'm seeing my uni friends in Bristol, which would be lovely except I fell out with one of them a month ago (long story) and we're supposed to be going over to visit her and the baby on Saturday. For the sake of group harmony, and so it won't be really awkward on Saturday, I need to ring her and say let's just forget about it....but it's a difficult call to make and I really can't be bothered. It wouldn't bother me if I never saw her again - she does my head in and is no kind of friend really. I think I'll do it tomorrow or Thursday. I really can't be arsed today.
So that's why I'm flat today. I wish my mum was just round the corner (she will be in July when we move!). It's a beautfiful day. So what to do with the children after lunch? I could go to the park, or attempt a trip into town to the library?? I'm thinking park. It's close, and we could always go for a nice walk afterwards. I really can't face that walk into town!
It's the Easter holiday here in Maidenhead, so no Tuesday morning playgroup. :-( Or Thursday morning playgroup. Or MAD music class on Friday...........for 2 weeks!! Bleugh.
We stayed in all day yesterday and it was a loooooooooooong afternoon. Poor Sausage was clingy and out of sorts and brought me book after book to read. He didn't really want to play or anything. Louis was subdued too, and Rebecca......well, she was just her normal pain-in-the-ass self.
I went to bed at 8.50pm after having just soup for dinner and my tummy seems normal now....touch wood. William had a temperature on and off all night which I soothed with infant ibuprofen. He's not right this morning either and went for his nap at 10am....so much earlier than normal.
It's a week since he had the MMR, and he's been ill on and off ever since. They said the main effects occured a week after the jab....which is today. But it's irritating as before the jab he was completely healthy; no colds or anything. He now has: a temperature, a cold, a cough, and gunky eyes! I'm totally pro-vaccine, and he definitely had to have it, but he seems to have had a particularly unpleasant reaction to it. I feel like I'm giving him loads of calpol and ibuprofen-which I'm not really-but how else can I bring his temperature down and make him comfortable?
I hate staying in the house. It's going to get harder & harder for me to go into town etc as I get bigger, as the hill I have to walk up is a killer.....so I think I'll be staying in a lot more before we move. Which is a miserable thought. I'm yearning to move to Whitstable. I just think things will be so much easier over there. 3 months............
And I can't WAIT to stop f*cking childminding. I hate, hate, HATE this job. And I suck at it. I hate doing something I suck at. I was a bloody good teacher. This......is just not me.
Also Mike's off to see his friends this weekend - which is fair enough, he hasn't done that for ages. I'm seeing my uni friends in Bristol, which would be lovely except I fell out with one of them a month ago (long story) and we're supposed to be going over to visit her and the baby on Saturday. For the sake of group harmony, and so it won't be really awkward on Saturday, I need to ring her and say let's just forget about it....but it's a difficult call to make and I really can't be bothered. It wouldn't bother me if I never saw her again - she does my head in and is no kind of friend really. I think I'll do it tomorrow or Thursday. I really can't be arsed today.
So that's why I'm flat today. I wish my mum was just round the corner (she will be in July when we move!). It's a beautfiful day. So what to do with the children after lunch? I could go to the park, or attempt a trip into town to the library?? I'm thinking park. It's close, and we could always go for a nice walk afterwards. I really can't face that walk into town!
Monday 7 April 2008
Illness. MMR. Noodles. Birth. Cancer. Ass.
Monday morning and I'm enjoying a little me-time before William wakes up from his nap. He's not well today, bless him. After the MMR jab last Tuesday he's been poorly on and off - a random temperature, extreme tiredness, grumpiness, and now he seems to have a streaming cold. I gave him Medised to help him have a good nap as he was up a LOT last night. As was I.
I'm also not well. Again. Seriously, I'm getting bored of this now. It's one thing after another. On Friday night, after our dear friends Deirdre and Mike had been round for a takeaway, I threw up spectacularly. On Saturday I was fine but yesterday afternoon I started feeling queasy and bloated - which led to yet more vomiting. I went to bed with my stomach completely empty and felt weird this morning - light-headed, dizzy, and nauseous, presumably due to low blood sugar. I had a funny turn where everything went yellow (including me) and I nearly passed out (my lovely husband was propping me up, thank God!) but I'm feeling a bit better now, having kept everything down this morning. I just feel.....weird. Spaced out. And of course, I still have to look after all the little darlings- Rebecca is here as per bloody usual and Louis will be here in 20 mins. JOY!
I don't understand why I've had so much vomiting and diarrhea (sp?) this pregnancy. I'm 18 and a half weeks pregnant - I thought it was all supposed to stop after week 12? Presumably it's all due to when I eat something which mini-cookie disagrees with. Talk about a fussy feotus! Is it worth going to the midwife about it? Probably not - what can she say, really? I know it's not damaging mini-cookie as women have far worse sickness than this. Oh blah de blah. I hate whingeing about being ill.
Anyway. I'll probably stay in this afternoon, which is a bit boring but we had a lovely family weekend. We all went to Noodlebar for lunch on Saturday- William seriously loves that place and eats everything we do - spring rolls, prawn crackers, noodles, rice....even the little fortune cookie at the end! We also took him to the park, and yesterday it snowed loads so he played in the garden with Daddy (who was very mean and threw snowballs in his face! William just laughed!). We also went to soft play at Big Fun, which was lovely. So a day at home today isn't the end of the world.
I'm thinking of looking into some birthing hynotherapy to help me be positive about the forthcoming birth of mini-cookie, as after the horrors of William's labour, the mere thought of contractions makes me really nervous and anxious - which is not going to help matters. I can still remember the pain as clear as day, which went on for 36 looooong hours. I want a positive birth experience this time- and I'm determined to have it. A natural water birth I think in a nice birth centre somewhere in Kent. I'm tempted by a home birth but after the complications with William, it's not really for me.
We made a list of stuff we need for mini-cookie and it's really quite small, which is great. A double buggy, monitor, crib (I like the rocking ones!).....etc. Not much at all. After the scan next Friday we're going to start buying stuff.
In other news my mother-in-law's op was a success and they've removed all the cancer from her lung. She hasn't even got to have chemo! She's been so lucky. She's still in hospital.
Right. It's been good to have a sit-down. William's still asleep. Rebecca is doing my head in, as usual. She's a major pain in the ass. It's now 10 mins til Louis will be here, so I need to disguise my bump somehow - still haven't told his mum!
Adios!
I'm also not well. Again. Seriously, I'm getting bored of this now. It's one thing after another. On Friday night, after our dear friends Deirdre and Mike had been round for a takeaway, I threw up spectacularly. On Saturday I was fine but yesterday afternoon I started feeling queasy and bloated - which led to yet more vomiting. I went to bed with my stomach completely empty and felt weird this morning - light-headed, dizzy, and nauseous, presumably due to low blood sugar. I had a funny turn where everything went yellow (including me) and I nearly passed out (my lovely husband was propping me up, thank God!) but I'm feeling a bit better now, having kept everything down this morning. I just feel.....weird. Spaced out. And of course, I still have to look after all the little darlings- Rebecca is here as per bloody usual and Louis will be here in 20 mins. JOY!
I don't understand why I've had so much vomiting and diarrhea (sp?) this pregnancy. I'm 18 and a half weeks pregnant - I thought it was all supposed to stop after week 12? Presumably it's all due to when I eat something which mini-cookie disagrees with. Talk about a fussy feotus! Is it worth going to the midwife about it? Probably not - what can she say, really? I know it's not damaging mini-cookie as women have far worse sickness than this. Oh blah de blah. I hate whingeing about being ill.
Anyway. I'll probably stay in this afternoon, which is a bit boring but we had a lovely family weekend. We all went to Noodlebar for lunch on Saturday- William seriously loves that place and eats everything we do - spring rolls, prawn crackers, noodles, rice....even the little fortune cookie at the end! We also took him to the park, and yesterday it snowed loads so he played in the garden with Daddy (who was very mean and threw snowballs in his face! William just laughed!). We also went to soft play at Big Fun, which was lovely. So a day at home today isn't the end of the world.
I'm thinking of looking into some birthing hynotherapy to help me be positive about the forthcoming birth of mini-cookie, as after the horrors of William's labour, the mere thought of contractions makes me really nervous and anxious - which is not going to help matters. I can still remember the pain as clear as day, which went on for 36 looooong hours. I want a positive birth experience this time- and I'm determined to have it. A natural water birth I think in a nice birth centre somewhere in Kent. I'm tempted by a home birth but after the complications with William, it's not really for me.
We made a list of stuff we need for mini-cookie and it's really quite small, which is great. A double buggy, monitor, crib (I like the rocking ones!).....etc. Not much at all. After the scan next Friday we're going to start buying stuff.
In other news my mother-in-law's op was a success and they've removed all the cancer from her lung. She hasn't even got to have chemo! She's been so lucky. She's still in hospital.
Right. It's been good to have a sit-down. William's still asleep. Rebecca is doing my head in, as usual. She's a major pain in the ass. It's now 10 mins til Louis will be here, so I need to disguise my bump somehow - still haven't told his mum!
Adios!
Saturday 29 March 2008
Saturday night...
....It's 7.33pm and I'm in my PJs, fluffy dressing gown and slippers. Woop woop! Wild, hey? Seriously, I used to be a party girl......you'd never think it.
So my run of illness continues. After last week's tummy bug (which thankfully turned out to be pretty mild) I managed to completely do my back in on Monday. I've managed to make it to the ripe old age of 28 without every having any back trouble - now I know why people complain so much about back pain. Seriously, it's horrid. All this week I've had constant pain from the base of my back right up to my shoulders, and shooting down my right leg (it's sciatic pain, basically, triggered by all the back muscles being softer in pregnancy). I've not even been able to stand up straight!
The doc gave me painkillers to help with the pain but they didn't really help, and I hate taking anything like that when pregnant so I've only taken 3 of them. Back pain affects EVERYTHING - even walking across the lounge or sitting on the sofa, was agony and as for picking up William.....forget it. The pain's been so bad I've been in tears...and after suffering through a 36 hour labour on gas and air, I think I've got quite a high pain threshold.
Anyway. Today it's a little better. Thank God - this is day 6.
Back pain aside, this week's been pretty good! I didn't have Rebecca so I was able to spend some QT with my little man! We also had a lovely weekend in Plymouth.
Ugh, do you know what, my back's quite uncomfortable sat here so I'm going to finish this tomorrow. Adios til then.........
So my run of illness continues. After last week's tummy bug (which thankfully turned out to be pretty mild) I managed to completely do my back in on Monday. I've managed to make it to the ripe old age of 28 without every having any back trouble - now I know why people complain so much about back pain. Seriously, it's horrid. All this week I've had constant pain from the base of my back right up to my shoulders, and shooting down my right leg (it's sciatic pain, basically, triggered by all the back muscles being softer in pregnancy). I've not even been able to stand up straight!
The doc gave me painkillers to help with the pain but they didn't really help, and I hate taking anything like that when pregnant so I've only taken 3 of them. Back pain affects EVERYTHING - even walking across the lounge or sitting on the sofa, was agony and as for picking up William.....forget it. The pain's been so bad I've been in tears...and after suffering through a 36 hour labour on gas and air, I think I've got quite a high pain threshold.
Anyway. Today it's a little better. Thank God - this is day 6.
Back pain aside, this week's been pretty good! I didn't have Rebecca so I was able to spend some QT with my little man! We also had a lovely weekend in Plymouth.
Ugh, do you know what, my back's quite uncomfortable sat here so I'm going to finish this tomorrow. Adios til then.........
Meals
Because I keep on forgetting.
Salmon fishcakes, homemade chips, veg
Kedgeree (haddock)
Chicken casserole (with sauce mix)
Coq au vin (with sauce mix)
Vegetable chilli with jacket potatoes
Vegetable curry with rice
Vegetable lasagne
Vegetable fajhitas
Pesto pasta
Tuna pasta bake (jar mix)
Chicken soup with pasta
Vegetable gratiani
Filled pasta with sauce
Tuna and sweetcorn stuffed potatoes
I'll add to this as I remember more.
Salmon fishcakes, homemade chips, veg
Kedgeree (haddock)
Chicken casserole (with sauce mix)
Coq au vin (with sauce mix)
Vegetable chilli with jacket potatoes
Vegetable curry with rice
Vegetable lasagne
Vegetable fajhitas
Pesto pasta
Tuna pasta bake (jar mix)
Chicken soup with pasta
Vegetable gratiani
Filled pasta with sauce
Tuna and sweetcorn stuffed potatoes
I'll add to this as I remember more.
Wednesday 19 March 2008
Yet more throwing up FUN
I seem to have caught yet another tummy bug. Aargghhh! I've been feeling off colour since Monday, I now have the runs and I've just thrown up my dinner in spectacular style. William has been throwing up sporadically since Sunday, and he also has the runs. FUN!
It's miserable. I seem to have caught tummy bug after tummy bug since becoming pregnant. If I haven't got some sort of bug, I have cramps/wind/aches from something I've eaten. It's like my stomach is uber sensitive to everything - but usually I can eat anything! It's such a weird pregnancy symptom, and I'm fed up with it.
I hate it when William has a tummy bug too-no matter how mild. So far, he has no temperature and apart from being off his normal foods, seems happy and normal - so I'm not too worried (yet). I can't help it, I'm neurotic. I still worry like a maniac when my little boy is poorly. Plus we're going away to Plymouth for this weekend (easter weekend!) and it will be bleugh if Sausage is ill then.
This is my week from HELL. I have Louis full-time, 8.45am-5.15pm, as well as Rebecca and William of course. 3 days down-1 to go. It's been as manic and stressful as I was expecting.
Not everything is crap. William's sleep has been brilliant recently. He's talking absolutely loads, and I think he's close to putting 2 words together-this morning he looked at an empty plate and said 'tot........gone' which means 'toast gone'! He's a happy little chatty bundle from morning til night and although he can be extremely stroppy (like any toddler!) I'm so proud of the little person he's becoming.
16 weeks pregnant today-seriously, where is the time going? 4 more weeks and I'll be halfway through-woweeeeeee!
It's miserable. I seem to have caught tummy bug after tummy bug since becoming pregnant. If I haven't got some sort of bug, I have cramps/wind/aches from something I've eaten. It's like my stomach is uber sensitive to everything - but usually I can eat anything! It's such a weird pregnancy symptom, and I'm fed up with it.
I hate it when William has a tummy bug too-no matter how mild. So far, he has no temperature and apart from being off his normal foods, seems happy and normal - so I'm not too worried (yet). I can't help it, I'm neurotic. I still worry like a maniac when my little boy is poorly. Plus we're going away to Plymouth for this weekend (easter weekend!) and it will be bleugh if Sausage is ill then.
This is my week from HELL. I have Louis full-time, 8.45am-5.15pm, as well as Rebecca and William of course. 3 days down-1 to go. It's been as manic and stressful as I was expecting.
Not everything is crap. William's sleep has been brilliant recently. He's talking absolutely loads, and I think he's close to putting 2 words together-this morning he looked at an empty plate and said 'tot........gone' which means 'toast gone'! He's a happy little chatty bundle from morning til night and although he can be extremely stroppy (like any toddler!) I'm so proud of the little person he's becoming.
16 weeks pregnant today-seriously, where is the time going? 4 more weeks and I'll be halfway through-woweeeeeee!
Monday 10 March 2008
fab, fab, FAB weekend!
I've just had a WONDERFUL weekend!!
We went to stay with Beaky & Rav (my mum and dad's) in Herne Bay to check out some of the towns we might be moving to in the summer-Whitstable, Sittingbourne and Faversham were the 3 main ones we were interested in. Mike had Friday off so we drove down in the sunshine mid-morning-William slept the whole way! We were in Herne Bay by lunch and had a lovely time with my mum in the harbour, walking along the seafront in the sun! I love being by the sea-it's so calming and uplifting. We then went to the supermarket, bought a couple of treats for William (including a cuddly Makka Pakka!) and went home for a lovely evening, chatting, watching TV, and having a giggle! William's routine went completely out of the window-he ate his dinner an hour later, and was in bed over an hour later than normal, but he actually slept really really well both nights we were there-a miracle, considering he was in his travel cot and how CRAP his sleep has been recently! It was great!
I always feel so content at home with my parents. Beaky and Rav love William so much-they spent most of the weekend laughing at all his funny ways and words!
Saturday was a busy day. After a big cooked brekkie we went to Faversham. I loved it-it's quaint, with a little market and cobbled streets-but Mike wasn's so sure about living there. We took William to soft play in Faversham leisure centre and he had a blast. We then went to check out Sittingbourne-which was yuck. Cold and faceless, it reminded me a lot of Maidenhead-which is not a good thing. However, we did have a nice cake and drink in a quaint little cafe there!
After that we went for a lovely drive, looking at all the beautiful Kentish countryside. It's so beautiful.
Sunday was another busy day. Mike was really keen to see Whitstable so we went and checked it out. It's gorgeous and I could definitely see myself living there-but I could in Faversham too! We had some chips and ate them in Whitstable harbour in the sunshine, before going for a loooooong walk along the sea. It was wonderful. We got back to Maidenhead about 10pm last night. IT SUCKS to be back here in our crappy terraced house. I feel like my heart is already living in Kent and I want to move there NOW. Our official move date is 7th July-ugghh, that feels like so long away. That's 4 more months of looking after Rebecca! Bleugh. I can't wait to be nearer my parents and live in a beautiful little coastal town. Maidenhead is so, so boring; it's faceless and has no character. I'm fed up here now. I love having my 'mummy mates' nearby but that's not enough reason to stay. I love little coastal towns, with their quaint little butchers, sweet shops, bakers and cute little houses. I'll always be a city girl-I love London-but I don't want to raise 2 kids in the city. Imagine how much fun William (and sibling!) will have in the summer by the sea!
William's cold is bad today; he was running a bit of a temp earlier. He had such a busy weekend with no real proper naps so it's no surprise really. I've hada profitable morning, trying to sort out a first aid course, registering myself with Inland Revenue as a childminder, etc. The weather is awful with gales and rain up and down the country so it's a day in today-I don't mind too much, considering how busy the weeekend was.
Arrghhh! Louis will be here in 30 mins. I'd better find some way to conceal my increasing baby bump!!!!
We went to stay with Beaky & Rav (my mum and dad's) in Herne Bay to check out some of the towns we might be moving to in the summer-Whitstable, Sittingbourne and Faversham were the 3 main ones we were interested in. Mike had Friday off so we drove down in the sunshine mid-morning-William slept the whole way! We were in Herne Bay by lunch and had a lovely time with my mum in the harbour, walking along the seafront in the sun! I love being by the sea-it's so calming and uplifting. We then went to the supermarket, bought a couple of treats for William (including a cuddly Makka Pakka!) and went home for a lovely evening, chatting, watching TV, and having a giggle! William's routine went completely out of the window-he ate his dinner an hour later, and was in bed over an hour later than normal, but he actually slept really really well both nights we were there-a miracle, considering he was in his travel cot and how CRAP his sleep has been recently! It was great!
I always feel so content at home with my parents. Beaky and Rav love William so much-they spent most of the weekend laughing at all his funny ways and words!
Saturday was a busy day. After a big cooked brekkie we went to Faversham. I loved it-it's quaint, with a little market and cobbled streets-but Mike wasn's so sure about living there. We took William to soft play in Faversham leisure centre and he had a blast. We then went to check out Sittingbourne-which was yuck. Cold and faceless, it reminded me a lot of Maidenhead-which is not a good thing. However, we did have a nice cake and drink in a quaint little cafe there!
After that we went for a lovely drive, looking at all the beautiful Kentish countryside. It's so beautiful.
Sunday was another busy day. Mike was really keen to see Whitstable so we went and checked it out. It's gorgeous and I could definitely see myself living there-but I could in Faversham too! We had some chips and ate them in Whitstable harbour in the sunshine, before going for a loooooong walk along the sea. It was wonderful. We got back to Maidenhead about 10pm last night. IT SUCKS to be back here in our crappy terraced house. I feel like my heart is already living in Kent and I want to move there NOW. Our official move date is 7th July-ugghh, that feels like so long away. That's 4 more months of looking after Rebecca! Bleugh. I can't wait to be nearer my parents and live in a beautiful little coastal town. Maidenhead is so, so boring; it's faceless and has no character. I'm fed up here now. I love having my 'mummy mates' nearby but that's not enough reason to stay. I love little coastal towns, with their quaint little butchers, sweet shops, bakers and cute little houses. I'll always be a city girl-I love London-but I don't want to raise 2 kids in the city. Imagine how much fun William (and sibling!) will have in the summer by the sea!
William's cold is bad today; he was running a bit of a temp earlier. He had such a busy weekend with no real proper naps so it's no surprise really. I've hada profitable morning, trying to sort out a first aid course, registering myself with Inland Revenue as a childminder, etc. The weather is awful with gales and rain up and down the country so it's a day in today-I don't mind too much, considering how busy the weeekend was.
Arrghhh! Louis will be here in 30 mins. I'd better find some way to conceal my increasing baby bump!!!!
Wednesday 5 March 2008
UGH
I feel like shit today, to be quite frank.
I got a headache yesterday evening that's still pounding away this morning. I can't take anything for it of course-I don't even want to take paracetomal as taking tablets in pregnancy just doesn't feel right.
Yesterday was a manically busy day: as well as contending with a whingey, pain-in-the-neck Rebecca all day, we had toddler group in the morning, soft play in the afternoon, then I made a vegetable pasta sauce from scratch for William for his dinner, and once I'd packed him off to bed at 7.30pm I made kedgeree for me and Mike-I was knackered but I'd already got the haddock out the freezer so I had to do it (it was bloody gorgeous, by the way!). I finally finished everything at about 9pm just as Mike walked in the door-he'd been working very late.
I was asleep by 10.10pm. William woke screaming at 11pm, 12am, 1.30am, and 4.30pm. He needed milk at 11am, 1.30am, and 4.30am. He has a cold, and 3 big teeth coming through but Jesus....he slept better when he was a newborn. I'm absolutely exhausted of this. I hate giving him milk in the night but it's the quickest way to settle him. If this carries on much longer, I'm going to have to do something to get him sleeping better as this can't carry on until mini-cookie is born. I need sleep so badly I could cry. Looking after 2/3 toddlers in the day is such hard work, and it wouldn't matter so much if I wasn't pregnant-but I need rest.
Sorry, I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. Ugh. In 45 mins Louis will be here, and my mad Wednesday afternoon will begin. William's napping and Rebecca is entertaining herself for now, so this is a glorious little slice of 'me time'.
14 weeks pregnant today! Woop woop. Getting a proper bump now, and my boobs are enormous. My next scan is on 18th April which seems a lifetime away. Ooh! I almost forgot-I've decided NOT to find out what the sex is at that scan. I'd like a surprise-and I'm also a bit nervous that I might be a teensy bit disappointed if I find out it's a boy. Which is awful but I know that once the baby is born I won't give a monkey what gender it is as long as it's healthy. So yeah-it was lovely finding out William was a boy but this time we won't have a clue! Exciting! When I think of them saying 'it's a......' as its born I get all tingly!
Oh this headache is awful. 3 toddlers running amok in my shoebox house is going to make it loads better, I'm sure. Ugh.
I got a headache yesterday evening that's still pounding away this morning. I can't take anything for it of course-I don't even want to take paracetomal as taking tablets in pregnancy just doesn't feel right.
Yesterday was a manically busy day: as well as contending with a whingey, pain-in-the-neck Rebecca all day, we had toddler group in the morning, soft play in the afternoon, then I made a vegetable pasta sauce from scratch for William for his dinner, and once I'd packed him off to bed at 7.30pm I made kedgeree for me and Mike-I was knackered but I'd already got the haddock out the freezer so I had to do it (it was bloody gorgeous, by the way!). I finally finished everything at about 9pm just as Mike walked in the door-he'd been working very late.
I was asleep by 10.10pm. William woke screaming at 11pm, 12am, 1.30am, and 4.30pm. He needed milk at 11am, 1.30am, and 4.30am. He has a cold, and 3 big teeth coming through but Jesus....he slept better when he was a newborn. I'm absolutely exhausted of this. I hate giving him milk in the night but it's the quickest way to settle him. If this carries on much longer, I'm going to have to do something to get him sleeping better as this can't carry on until mini-cookie is born. I need sleep so badly I could cry. Looking after 2/3 toddlers in the day is such hard work, and it wouldn't matter so much if I wasn't pregnant-but I need rest.
Sorry, I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. Ugh. In 45 mins Louis will be here, and my mad Wednesday afternoon will begin. William's napping and Rebecca is entertaining herself for now, so this is a glorious little slice of 'me time'.
14 weeks pregnant today! Woop woop. Getting a proper bump now, and my boobs are enormous. My next scan is on 18th April which seems a lifetime away. Ooh! I almost forgot-I've decided NOT to find out what the sex is at that scan. I'd like a surprise-and I'm also a bit nervous that I might be a teensy bit disappointed if I find out it's a boy. Which is awful but I know that once the baby is born I won't give a monkey what gender it is as long as it's healthy. So yeah-it was lovely finding out William was a boy but this time we won't have a clue! Exciting! When I think of them saying 'it's a......' as its born I get all tingly!
Oh this headache is awful. 3 toddlers running amok in my shoebox house is going to make it loads better, I'm sure. Ugh.
Saturday 1 March 2008
Shopping & Sleep
We had a really, really lovely day today!
After I tutored this morning we went to Reading to do some SHOPPING! I haven't been shopping in......so long, I can't remember. We're permanently skint, dontcha know. But Mike got a little bonus this month so we thought we'd treat ourselves a bit.
Reading is seriously funky-much better than crappy old Maidenhead! There's this riverside area with loads of lovely places to eat. We decided to go somewhere a bit special for lunch so we went to Old Orleans, a wacky Mexican joint that I LOVE. We were there for over an hour and William, considering he hadn't had his normal morning nap, was an absolute angel. He ate popcorn, some of our potato skins, and some of the chicken & chips & peas kids meal I ordered him-I love the way he'll try anything; he seems to be getting less fussy! Anything we're eating he'll always try.
He played with a balloon (or 'booooon' as he calls it) on his highchair, tried some of our ice-cream floats, and was generally a model of good behaviour! As for me I had sizzling vegetable fajhitas smothered in cheese, guacomole, salsa and sour cream which were gorgeous!
Mike bought lots of new shirts from Next and I bought 2 maternity tops. I think my maternity wadrobe is now complete. The only crapness is the day was about 3pm when William, exhausted from no napping, lost it and threw an almighty tantrum, prompting a row between me and Mike-we always row when he threws a screaming tantrum as we find it so stressful! But apart from that, it was a lovely day.
Soooooooooooooo tired now though. William's sleep has been awful again recently-waking anything up to 6 times a night. He seems to have lost the ability to self-settle. I've had 18 months of this-is there ever going to be an end to it?? It's no wonder I'm exhausted. I need to go to bed and sleep for about 700 hours straight. I tell you what, mini-cookie had better be a bloody good sleeper, or I may have to flee the country.
How do you teach a toddler how to sleep through the night? All sleep training methods to me seem so cold and detached. And I don't want to train him- I want him to do it himself. No way am I going to do controlled crying-although believe me, I've been tempted at 3am when he just won't go to bloody sleep. I know he'll get it one day I suppose.
On a cheerier note-talking! Now he's started talking, there's no stopping him. At the moment his favourite word is 'hot'-everything is 'hot'........cupboards, the door, me.......Today he learnt how to say 'done' and said it when he's finished his rice pudding! So sweet.
Well its Saturday night and I'm reading to partaaaaaaaaaaaaay in my PJs and dressing gown.......the TV is crap but I fancy snuggling up with my husband! Laters xxxxxxxxxxx
After I tutored this morning we went to Reading to do some SHOPPING! I haven't been shopping in......so long, I can't remember. We're permanently skint, dontcha know. But Mike got a little bonus this month so we thought we'd treat ourselves a bit.
Reading is seriously funky-much better than crappy old Maidenhead! There's this riverside area with loads of lovely places to eat. We decided to go somewhere a bit special for lunch so we went to Old Orleans, a wacky Mexican joint that I LOVE. We were there for over an hour and William, considering he hadn't had his normal morning nap, was an absolute angel. He ate popcorn, some of our potato skins, and some of the chicken & chips & peas kids meal I ordered him-I love the way he'll try anything; he seems to be getting less fussy! Anything we're eating he'll always try.
He played with a balloon (or 'booooon' as he calls it) on his highchair, tried some of our ice-cream floats, and was generally a model of good behaviour! As for me I had sizzling vegetable fajhitas smothered in cheese, guacomole, salsa and sour cream which were gorgeous!
Mike bought lots of new shirts from Next and I bought 2 maternity tops. I think my maternity wadrobe is now complete. The only crapness is the day was about 3pm when William, exhausted from no napping, lost it and threw an almighty tantrum, prompting a row between me and Mike-we always row when he threws a screaming tantrum as we find it so stressful! But apart from that, it was a lovely day.
Soooooooooooooo tired now though. William's sleep has been awful again recently-waking anything up to 6 times a night. He seems to have lost the ability to self-settle. I've had 18 months of this-is there ever going to be an end to it?? It's no wonder I'm exhausted. I need to go to bed and sleep for about 700 hours straight. I tell you what, mini-cookie had better be a bloody good sleeper, or I may have to flee the country.
How do you teach a toddler how to sleep through the night? All sleep training methods to me seem so cold and detached. And I don't want to train him- I want him to do it himself. No way am I going to do controlled crying-although believe me, I've been tempted at 3am when he just won't go to bloody sleep. I know he'll get it one day I suppose.
On a cheerier note-talking! Now he's started talking, there's no stopping him. At the moment his favourite word is 'hot'-everything is 'hot'........cupboards, the door, me.......Today he learnt how to say 'done' and said it when he's finished his rice pudding! So sweet.
Well its Saturday night and I'm reading to partaaaaaaaaaaaaay in my PJs and dressing gown.......the TV is crap but I fancy snuggling up with my husband! Laters xxxxxxxxxxx
Thursday 28 February 2008
Just a quickie....
.....Because Deidre's picking me up in 30 mins to hang out at her house this afternoon.
My MIL has lung cancer, but it's not as bad as we thought-I thought her scan last week would find cancer all over her body but in fact it's just in her lungs. She has to have an op next Tuesday, and chemotherapy. I hope to GOD she stops smoking now because carrying on would surely be a deathwish.
I'm so tired all the time at the moment and it's draining. William's sleep is erratic (last night it was SHIT) but even when he sleeps well I still feel zapped. Pregnancy? Running after 2/3 toddlers all week? Who knows? I'm 13 weeks now-I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going! Illness all gone, sickness all gone but the tiredness and sore boobs remain. And I have a cute little bump-despite losing a few pounds last week with that bug.
I have a new craving! Fizzy pop! This morning on the way back from playgroup I had to buy Dr Pepper, Sprite and Fanta. I NEVER drink fizzy pop-seriously. Apparently my mum (who I call Beaky) craved it when she was pregnant with me!!!! Does this mean I'm having a girl?! (secretly crossing fingers.....)
Had a run-in with Rebecca's mum Frances on Tuesday. Now they'e pretty punctual people and generally pick Rebecca up on time every day (6pm, 5pm on Wednesdays). However -on Friday they were 15 minutes late, no call to say why. I let it go as a one-off. Monday - Frances rang to say they'd be a few minutes late. Fine. She was an HOUR late. Granted, there were real train problems but she should have called again. I let it go again.
On Tuesday I was tutoring at 7pm (my student didn't actually show up but never mind). I needed to dash to the shop to get some milk for William's bedtime drink and then race to get him into bed by 7, so them picking Becca up at 6 was ESSENTIAL. By 6.05 I was getting quite cross. By 6.10 I was angry and rang Frances' mobile-which went straight to voicemail. At 6.15pm she turned up with a jaunty little knock on the door and by that time I was furious and really gave her what for! I think she was really taken aback by sweet, soft Clare launching a furious attack! To not to bother ringing though is so rude-who do they think they are?! I'm sick of them and looking after their daughter is so tiresome. 4 more months of this-I can't wait to finish, seriously.
William's appetite is enormous at the moment. He's eating a ludicrous amount all day. It's mostly very healthy but he does love Rich Tea biscuits!
Speaking of Sausage I need to go and wake him up in a moment, and I can smell that Rebecca's nappy needs changing. Ugh Ugh UGH. I hate this job.
My MIL has lung cancer, but it's not as bad as we thought-I thought her scan last week would find cancer all over her body but in fact it's just in her lungs. She has to have an op next Tuesday, and chemotherapy. I hope to GOD she stops smoking now because carrying on would surely be a deathwish.
I'm so tired all the time at the moment and it's draining. William's sleep is erratic (last night it was SHIT) but even when he sleeps well I still feel zapped. Pregnancy? Running after 2/3 toddlers all week? Who knows? I'm 13 weeks now-I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going! Illness all gone, sickness all gone but the tiredness and sore boobs remain. And I have a cute little bump-despite losing a few pounds last week with that bug.
I have a new craving! Fizzy pop! This morning on the way back from playgroup I had to buy Dr Pepper, Sprite and Fanta. I NEVER drink fizzy pop-seriously. Apparently my mum (who I call Beaky) craved it when she was pregnant with me!!!! Does this mean I'm having a girl?! (secretly crossing fingers.....)
Had a run-in with Rebecca's mum Frances on Tuesday. Now they'e pretty punctual people and generally pick Rebecca up on time every day (6pm, 5pm on Wednesdays). However -on Friday they were 15 minutes late, no call to say why. I let it go as a one-off. Monday - Frances rang to say they'd be a few minutes late. Fine. She was an HOUR late. Granted, there were real train problems but she should have called again. I let it go again.
On Tuesday I was tutoring at 7pm (my student didn't actually show up but never mind). I needed to dash to the shop to get some milk for William's bedtime drink and then race to get him into bed by 7, so them picking Becca up at 6 was ESSENTIAL. By 6.05 I was getting quite cross. By 6.10 I was angry and rang Frances' mobile-which went straight to voicemail. At 6.15pm she turned up with a jaunty little knock on the door and by that time I was furious and really gave her what for! I think she was really taken aback by sweet, soft Clare launching a furious attack! To not to bother ringing though is so rude-who do they think they are?! I'm sick of them and looking after their daughter is so tiresome. 4 more months of this-I can't wait to finish, seriously.
William's appetite is enormous at the moment. He's eating a ludicrous amount all day. It's mostly very healthy but he does love Rich Tea biscuits!
Speaking of Sausage I need to go and wake him up in a moment, and I can smell that Rebecca's nappy needs changing. Ugh Ugh UGH. I hate this job.
Sunday 24 February 2008
Finally better?
I've been the sickest I think I've ever been this week. Today I think (dare I even say it?)-I'm finally getting better.
This bug started on Wednesday. Actually, it was Tuesday night! Every day since then I've felt sick / been sick / had bad diarrhea (must check spelling of that word) / had terrible tummy ache/ been completely drained of energy. Yesterday lunchtime I had an almighty craving for Lucozad-probably because I'm completely depleted of sugar. Man, that was a mistake! Queue most of the afternoon, evening, and night spent running to the loo with horrible tummy cramps and a stomach that sounded like a cauldron (seriously, it was bubbling). All I could tell myself was: this won't last forever. I can't feel this bad forever. Surely.
This morning I've stuck to dry toast and rich tea biscuits and the diarrhea is finally clearing. I'm dreaming of all kinds of delicious food but I'm not risking a setback.
In other news, my inlaws are here til Tuesday. My MIL has a PET scan on Tuesday which will ascertain if the tumor on her lung is isolated, or if the cancer has spread. We'll know by Thursday.
I've fallen out with my friend Wain. It's a long story; it's been building for a while. I'll write about it another time. I think it's telling that it doesn't really bother me: normally I loathe confrontation.
Some gorgeous William-isms:
1) He can now say sooooo many words. Bear, ball, more, no, dada, mumma, door, shoes, juice, byebye, gone (with arms spread wide!), hot (said while putting his hand out towards the oven!) -those are the ones I can think of. He talks all day, and it's sounding more and more intelligible.
He can also kind of say: milk (ilk), cat (dat), book (boop)
2) When I ask him 'where are your shoes?' he goes and gets them, sits on the bottom step and tries to put them on his feet!!!
3) On Friday I ate some toast; when I'd finished it he looked at me, said 'Gone!' with his hands spread wide and took my plate into the kitchen and put it on the side!!! That's my boy!
Repulsive Rebecca (the kid I childmind) is back tomorrow. Actually I'm glad my inlaws are here as it will be a bit different, and they've offered to take William somewhere in the afternoon. Yay!
Mashed potato (no milk/butter) for lunch for me. I'm so lucky!
This bug started on Wednesday. Actually, it was Tuesday night! Every day since then I've felt sick / been sick / had bad diarrhea (must check spelling of that word) / had terrible tummy ache/ been completely drained of energy. Yesterday lunchtime I had an almighty craving for Lucozad-probably because I'm completely depleted of sugar. Man, that was a mistake! Queue most of the afternoon, evening, and night spent running to the loo with horrible tummy cramps and a stomach that sounded like a cauldron (seriously, it was bubbling). All I could tell myself was: this won't last forever. I can't feel this bad forever. Surely.
This morning I've stuck to dry toast and rich tea biscuits and the diarrhea is finally clearing. I'm dreaming of all kinds of delicious food but I'm not risking a setback.
In other news, my inlaws are here til Tuesday. My MIL has a PET scan on Tuesday which will ascertain if the tumor on her lung is isolated, or if the cancer has spread. We'll know by Thursday.
I've fallen out with my friend Wain. It's a long story; it's been building for a while. I'll write about it another time. I think it's telling that it doesn't really bother me: normally I loathe confrontation.
Some gorgeous William-isms:
1) He can now say sooooo many words. Bear, ball, more, no, dada, mumma, door, shoes, juice, byebye, gone (with arms spread wide!), hot (said while putting his hand out towards the oven!) -those are the ones I can think of. He talks all day, and it's sounding more and more intelligible.
He can also kind of say: milk (ilk), cat (dat), book (boop)
2) When I ask him 'where are your shoes?' he goes and gets them, sits on the bottom step and tries to put them on his feet!!!
3) On Friday I ate some toast; when I'd finished it he looked at me, said 'Gone!' with his hands spread wide and took my plate into the kitchen and put it on the side!!! That's my boy!
Repulsive Rebecca (the kid I childmind) is back tomorrow. Actually I'm glad my inlaws are here as it will be a bit different, and they've offered to take William somewhere in the afternoon. Yay!
Mashed potato (no milk/butter) for lunch for me. I'm so lucky!
Friday 22 February 2008
Illness Sucks
Hey hey! I've created this blog just for me really, but if anyone else wants to read it, that's fine with me!!
Brief history: I'm Clare (28) married to Mike (30) with 1 son William (17 months, who we call Sausage ot the little man) and I'm 12 weeks pregnant with our second child (who we call mini-cookie).
I've been so so ill the last few days, it's been miserable. Today was the first day since Tuesday that I didn't throw up/have bad runs. Yesterday was definitely the worst day. Illness just seems 10 times worse when you're pregnant. I worry about no nutrients getting to the baby but I guess they must get it from somewhere. Thank God Mike was here today to look after William while I got some much-needed rest. I just want to eat normal food-I feel horribly empty but dry toast and chicken soup is about as exciting as it gets at the moment.
I just about managed to make it over to the hospital for our 12 week scan though at 11.30am!! So, so exciting. Mini-cookie was sleeping but with a bit of wriggling from me we managed to see some movement! The heartbeat was strong and we saw the legs, arms etc. It all seems so real when we see it on the screen. My EDD is 3rd Sept-just after William turns 2! Secretly I'm hoping mini-cookie arrives a few days early, then s/he'll be in the school year above Sausage.
My in-laws arrive tomorrow. Ugh. It looks like my MIL has lung cancer. She's coming to see us because she has a lung scan in London on Tuesday. I have a really bad feeling about what they're going to discover, given the symptoms she has and how ill she's been, but......we'll see.
Chicken soup time! Woop woop!
Brief history: I'm Clare (28) married to Mike (30) with 1 son William (17 months, who we call Sausage ot the little man) and I'm 12 weeks pregnant with our second child (who we call mini-cookie).
I've been so so ill the last few days, it's been miserable. Today was the first day since Tuesday that I didn't throw up/have bad runs. Yesterday was definitely the worst day. Illness just seems 10 times worse when you're pregnant. I worry about no nutrients getting to the baby but I guess they must get it from somewhere. Thank God Mike was here today to look after William while I got some much-needed rest. I just want to eat normal food-I feel horribly empty but dry toast and chicken soup is about as exciting as it gets at the moment.
I just about managed to make it over to the hospital for our 12 week scan though at 11.30am!! So, so exciting. Mini-cookie was sleeping but with a bit of wriggling from me we managed to see some movement! The heartbeat was strong and we saw the legs, arms etc. It all seems so real when we see it on the screen. My EDD is 3rd Sept-just after William turns 2! Secretly I'm hoping mini-cookie arrives a few days early, then s/he'll be in the school year above Sausage.
My in-laws arrive tomorrow. Ugh. It looks like my MIL has lung cancer. She's coming to see us because she has a lung scan in London on Tuesday. I have a really bad feeling about what they're going to discover, given the symptoms she has and how ill she's been, but......we'll see.
Chicken soup time! Woop woop!
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